Weighty Wednesday- A Forever Fat Girl

First off we should probably get to know each other better. I’m Stiletto and I am a 24-year-old femme fashion addict from Boise, Idaho. I work in real estate marketing to pay the bills and go to college part-time for my degree in Sociology. I started my personal blog My Lipstick On Her Collar a little over 9 months ago and began it as a lesbian/sex blog, quickly however it evolved to a body acceptance as well as plus-sized fashion blog.  I also write for SKORCH Blog and beginning with the March edition I am the new “How To” Editor for SKORCH Magazine. Above all else I am one of your Fierce Freethinking Fatties and am lovin’ what we have gotten started here so far!  Some people have accused me of being a self- love and positivity pushing Foul Mouthed Pollyanna, and they are completely right. When I’m not running all over the place trying to get everything done or writing my little heart out for all these different venues, I am busy with my family. I have been with my partner who is forever referred to as Nightrider for a little over 2 years and we have 3 children from her previous marriage.

So that’s the formal introduction and a breakdown of who I am in the bigger scheme of things. More importantly though I am a forever fat girl. I was a chubby kid, a plump pre-teen and big booty and breasted high schooler and am now a fierce fat chick. There has never really been a time in my life where I wasn’t larger than most of my peers but there also wasn’t ever a time that I didn’t love myself big body and all. Sure I jumped on the yo-yo dieting bandwagon for short stints from time to time, I blame this mostly on my mother,  but other than that I never really let my weight affect my life. My motto when I was 18 was along the lines of as long as I can get dates, wear cute clothes, and enjoy the food I eat, I would much rather be fat and happy then thin and starving. As I got older it became less about dating and clothes and more about my personal relationship with myself and has since evolved into a place within fat acceptance.

When I really began to dig deep into the FA lifestyle I realized that how I perceived myself mattered more than anything else and that if I felt healthy and happy and thought I was fabulous then it didn’t matter what fashion designers, potential partners, or anyone else for that matter thought.  I believe that finding that peace with yourself the way you are, at any size, and loving you is really what it’s all about.  With FA I not only found peace with myself and more stable confidence but I also found my true voice in writing, and an outlet to help and inform people about positivity, body acceptance and above all else self-love. I have had so many opportunities and it’s really been a life changing time for me.

Being forever fat has had its up and it downs. Of course there were days where I was judged and criticized. I remember a few instances of being teased as a child and teenager. A fat red head with braces… yeah I’m sure you can imagine, but I was taught to take that kind of bull shit with a grain of salt and to never let anyone break me. I have done everything I have every wanted to and never let my weight stop me. I was very active in choir and theatre growing up, nailed leading roles,  got up on stage and would strut my thick stuff. I have battled stupid myths that fat girls don’t date or that they aren’t sexual and have honestly never really been single in my life.  I’ve still been a sexual person which is in my nature and although there were small moments of self-doubt when I was younger,  I’ve always plowed through and let my inner sex kitten shine through my curves, hell I even posed in lingerie while I was webcasting for TheCurveNetwork.

If my weight has affected my life at all I would say it’s only really been in positive ways. It has forced me to work what my mama gave me and make it good. It has helped me to always put myself out there and to do so with tough skin. It has made me respect clothing and make the effort to look my best at whatever size I happen to be. My curves have helped me harness a lot of my feminity and have always helped me to feel like a real woman. A big part of my sexual identity came hand in hand with my weight and fat acceptance and I wouldn’t have it any other way. By embracing my weight my life has been full of non-shallow people who loved me for me, with my way too loud laugh and my fiery personality. It has helped me weed out toxic friends and bad relationship material and has forced me to see more in myself then what I look like, which can be necessary with the jackassery of the media always trying to make us fatties feel undeserving or less than we are.  Being fat has made me my fiercest, it has made me not need to fit into societies norms and has helped  me to know that it’s ok to always be myself. It has taught me pride and self-respect and a deep connection with me, my thick and curvy fat self and I.