Ski Joring —
(I think I need to create a new rating of FD for Fat Drama. For now, we’ll let Fat Politics do the trick.)
Just to be clear, we Fierce, Freethinking Fatties are not creating a new branch of Fat Acceptance called Obese Embracement.
And contrary to misguided opinion, we have just as much right to the mantle of Fat Acceptance as anyone.
What, is Fat Acceptance a religion now, that there is but one absolute truth outside of heresy?
Are they going to excommunicate us?
Cool.
I support St. Stanislaus.
I’ve never claimed to be a true believer.
And I sure as hell don’t want to be.
And if allowing “diet talk” with adequate trigger warnings is not Real Fucking Fat Acceptance, I can live with that.
You can keep your Real Fucking Fat Acceptance®.
I’ll even register it for you.
You can even have an acronym.
RFFA.
Feel free to do whatever the fuck you do in your little corner of the (small f) fatosphere. We’ll be working on our own little brand of Fat Acceptance over here.
For lack of a better name, I’ll just call it Honest to Goodness Fat Acceptance.
H2GFA if you’re funky.
What is Honest to Goodness Fat Acceptance?
Well, in a nutshell, it means that if you are fat positive; if you are seeking to achieve, or have achieved, self-acceptance; if you want to help others to achieve self-acceptance; if you are doing your part to educate through the method and with the enthusiasm that you’re comfortable with; if you are, in your own small way, working to make the world hate fat people a little less; or if you are open to learning about how the war on obesity (the one waged against fat people for the past few generations, not the “official” one) affects people on a daily basis in a very real, very personal way, then your beliefs are compatible with Honest to Goodness Fat Acceptance.
It’s that simple.
It’s sad that we have to distinguish one form of Fat Acceptance from another.
I’m pretty sure we’re all driving in the same direction, so who cares if we’re driving an Aston Martin DB5…
…. and they’re driving an ‘81 Ford Fairmont.
(For the record, I believe I am the only person in the history to have driven a powder blue ’82 Ford Fairmont and an ’81 tomato red Ford Fairmont successively. My senior year of high school. Just when you don’t want to be driving any Ford Fairmonts.)
I mean, just look at any political movement… hell, feminism. Is there any one type of feminism? Is there one version of feminism that you have to subscribe to in order to be a Real Fucking Feminist?
Of course not.
And Fat Acceptance is no different.
Despite the fact that fatties are the majority (according to an arbitrary BMI assignation), fat bias and discrimination is acceptable to an even more overwhelming majority.
Are we really to the point where we can start ostracizing people because of differences in blogging philosophy? Can we really spare a single voice?
Personally, I was happy to peacefully coexist on the fatosphere. We’ve been up and running for a month and I haven’t heard of a single case of spontaneous cranial combustion (I should know, I’ve been searching the headlines daily).
I still read the Fatosphere. There’s some great stuff out there. And the stuff I don’t like, I DON’T READ.
It’s amazing how easy it is to avoid unpleasant opinions. I’ve been doing it for years.
And the thing is, it doesn’t seem like my opinions on Fat Acceptance are all that different from most people on the Fatosphere or the fatosphere or the fatOsphere or the FATOSPHERE.
On 95% of the issues, we’re in total agreement. This one stupid issue (whether or not diet talk should be allowed on a Fat Acceptance blog) is the ONLY difference between what they are trying to do and what we are trying to do. That’s it.
Is it really worth alienating an entire segment of Fat Acceptance so you aren’t exposed to diet talk?
I don’t think it is.
We’ve got much bigger fish to fry, much bigger issues to tackle than whether or not diet talk is acceptable. We already agree that dieting is, for the majority of cases, a zero sum game.
I just happen to believe that if a person is not yet ready to abandon their faith in the miracle of weight loss, but in all other ways they are sincerely trying to embrace Fat Acceptance, then there is no reason not to include them in the movement.
And if a person who is still in a diet mentality wants to blog about his or her experience with dieting, either past or present, in the context of Fat Acceptance, then I welcome it.
Odds are they will be disappointed by the promise of permanent weight loss once again and, eventually, they will accept what the rest of us have already come to understand: dieting is a fruitless and futile.
But just because a person is dieting doesn’t mean he or she can’t promote or support the concept that fat is a symptom and not the cause.
The science is on our side. Only time stands between our present situation and the turning of the tides. Things may get worse between here and there, but I have reason to hope that a better future is just over the horizon.
And if we can just lash our rafts together until we cross over to that better day, then maybe, just maybe, that day will get here sooner, rather than later.
fiercefatties
dufmanno
vesta44
jenincanada
atchka
erylin
lexiedi
joannadeadwinter
dr deah
shaunta
roundgirlrocks
hlkolaya
lifeonfats
bronwenofhindscroft
osufem
onefabulousmamaistheshiznet
If anyone reading this blog is triggered by reading about dieting, then all they have to do is look at the tags at the beginning of each post, and they’ll know if it’s a dieting post, and they can ignore that post and not be triggered. Common sense, no?
I belong to two diabetes lists, and they have very different atmospheres. One is fat-accepting while aiming at controlling blood glucose and limiting the damage diabetes can do, while the other touts weight loss, dieting, and carb-counting as the ways to help meds control blood glucose and they get quite vehement when anyone dares to disagree with them. I post on the first one occasionally, the second one – well, I read it and take what I can use and ignore the rest.
That’s also the philosophy I use when I’m reading blogs on the fatosphere. I may not agree with everything I read, but it all gives me food for thought. Some I will incorporate into my philosophy, some I will discard, but I don’t let any of it get my knickers in a knot. These blogs are an opportunity to get our opinions out there and reach people and maybe change their minds. Belittling people and fighting with them over minor differences in philosophy is not going to help bring more people into the FA movement, nor is it going to convert dieters to FAers (why should they give up one community that berates and belittles them when they fail for another community that does the same when they question and don’t always agree with whoever is “mainstream” FA).
And I bet the one diabetes list doesn’t attack the other diabetes list for doing it differently. It’s just ridiculous that now that we’ve formed our own place, we can’t just do our thing in peace. It’s really sad. We need to just focus on what’s really important, and that’s the actual issues.
Peace,
Shannon
I am funky therefore I am all over that H2GFA.
I’ve always been a tad confused over exactly *why* people who agree on nearly all aspects of fat acceptance can have such issues with the way things are expressed or written.
I guess I understand that a lot of tension comes from the idea that a safe place from certain words and ideas is needed. A sort of vacation from the stuff people are bombarded with every day. But not all parts of the movement are all things to all people and there are valid and thought provoking opinions from all angles. I think varied viewpoints from different stages and as much info as you can get is a positive thing all around.
I get why they need a safe space too. I don’t get why they think all Fat Acceptance has to be a safe space. Not everyone needs their safe space provided for them. They can take care of it themselves. I dunno, I’m just as baffled.
Peace,
Shannon
Rock on, atchka! There’s a great big thing out there called the Internet, and there’s room in it for all of us.
What is this Intrent you speak of?
Peace,
Shannon
I am slowly learning about triggers… when I first found FA, I was all like “Trigger what now?” What, you’re going to be CRUSHED by hearing the word diet?
And, well, yes… now I know that there are people out there who have been SOOO jerked around and screwed over by life, that, yeah, they might.
But if I was one of those folks, I would think that seeing a “trigger warning” would, I dunno – warn me off reading it? If I knew how it would impact me?
I don’t know. One of the things I have been coming to grips with over the past year is that there’s a lot of stuff I simply CANNOT understand due to my inherent privileges.
Sure – I grew up fat. And that’s a hell of a thing to deal with.
But – I had loving parents who only occasionally said random completely jackass things that were very hurtful.
But – I am still a hetero white chick in the US – with all the amenities that implies.
But – I had enough of whatever “screw you” attitude I was born with to not end up taking too much crap from people along the way.
So… I am trying to assimilate the knowledge that there are people out there who simply aren’t wired to shrug stuff off with my own innate “suck it up-ness” and figure out how to say stuff without setting off someone else’s mental fireworks.
And I thought that was what trigger warnings were for… but can trigger warnings be triggering?
I dunno.
I dunno.
So I can see one side of this argument.
But… I also see my side. And I don’t think I should be swept aside just because my life experience is different… just because I don’t fit some preconceived list of attributes that make someone a “real” activist or supporter, or whatever.
Honestly, I don’t get what all “triggering” means, I just know it’s important to help people avoid triggers. I accept that as part of Fat Acceptance. But I also accept that not everyone in FA has trigger issues and even those with trigger issues aren’t triggered by the same things. To try and homogenize Fat Acceptance to avoid triggers all together is ridiculous, in my opinion. It’s like the people who want to save their kids from a hypersexualized environment by banning all sexual materials anywhere. It’s not gonna happen, so you better take some personal responsibility for your intake.
Peace,
Shannon
Hmm, yeah. I don’t fully get it either. I think I experience triggering in a very mild form, which is that negative messages can have a disproportionate negative impact on my emotional state, which is very hard for me to combat or control. I say “disproportionate” because it isn’t really in line with what other forms of negativity do to my mood.
I do avoid the “diet talk” trigger warnings, except on days when I’m bursting with confidence, so the warning really do work for some people.
For other people, I think it can be a much more serious issue; seeing the wrong kind of messages can push them to engage in self-harm, or do other things they might regret.
er…that should have said “negative messages about fat”…
Do you think all diet talk is triggering? Or is there a difference between diet talk from a promotional standpoint and diet talk from an experiential one? Does it matter what kind of diet talk you’re engaging in or does it all have negative effects on you? (Just curious, I haven’t really asked anyone about their triggering issues before.)
Peace,
Shannon
I used to be triggered by the word “diet”. Just hearing it made me want to go out and eat everything in sight, whether I was hungry or not, like that was my way of saying “you can’t make me diet, I won’t do it, you can’t make me, you CAN”T MAKE ME!!!!!!ELEVENTYONE!!!” And I would binge till I was sick, or broke, or both. It didn’t have to be my doctor telling me I needed to diet, either, it could have been a friend saying she was going on a diet, or hearing about the latest fad diet on tv/radio, or seeing diet bullshit on the fronts of tabloids/magazines – any of that could, and did, trigger me.
Hey guys,
I’m not really up on the drama, but I thought I’d put in my two cents, especially in response to No Celery’s comment. (Awesome name, by the way, even though I love celery.)
I wanted to add my own perspective, and say that it’s possible to be quite privileged, and still be skittish around diet talk. I’m white, middle-class, well-educated, and not even particularly fat. By I’ve gotten flak about my weight for as long as I can remember, even when I was actually at a “healthy” weight. Because of this, I’ve had self-esteem issues that I am only just now getting over. And it’s still true that diet talk can ruin my day. So, while I understand what you’re trying to say with your comment, I think it’s important to remember that emotional experiences are highly individual, and don’t always track nicely with things like socioeconomic status.
More generally, I wanted I really love this site. I love that there is a place for people who are down with body-positivity, but might not agree with everything FA stands for.
I also am very, very glad that there are still blogs where diet talk is verboten. As I’ve said before, I’ve struggled with body-image issues for years. Finding a corner of cyber-space where diet-talk and body criticism were off-limits was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I read Shapely Prose, The F-Word, and Fatshionista faithfully for about two years. It was much more effective than therapy, and a lot more fun.
After spending all that time in the loving embrace of mainstream FA, I feel more-or-less ready to venture out into a more diverse forum. And that’s only because of copious trigger warnings. While I’m eager to become a regular part of the Fierce community, I will still make sure to get my daily dose of RFFA, because I need it for my sanity.
I guess what I’m saying is that both kinds of FA are wonderful, and that I’m really hoping for the day when we can all sit down and share ideas over TWO WHOLE CAKES.
Best,
Simone
Hi Simone,
I’m glad you love the site. We love to hear that. There was definitely a need for two communities and now that ours is established, I have no problem coexisting with the RFFA. But clearly, some of them have a problem with us.
I definitely get the “no diet talk” thing, but I think that by providing trigger warnings we provide the same sort of “no diet talk” environment, but instead of us policing what diet talk is, we let the reader decide.
I hope you get a lot from Fierce Fatties and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Peace,
Shannon