House Arrest —
So, WordPress allows a blogger to track the search terms that lead people to your blog. It’s fun to see what searches bring new readers in since most are obviously related to the content Fierce Fatties generates (e.g., obesity chart, swimsuits for fatties), but a few are just a bit skewed and leave me wondering what the hell X has to do with B (e.g., squinty eyes when high, hypnotic ass).
But one particular search has come up in recent days in one form or another. I know why it’s leading to us, but the question asked does not get answered by the blog post it leads to.
The most recent version of the search term says, “What parents should do when schools force fat kids to wear tracking bracelets?” which leads to vesta’s story about the Long Island School District using monitoring bracelets to track the heartbeats, movement and sleeping patterns of overweight and obese children in their schools 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
So I thought it might be fun to answer this question for the parents in Long Island, and elsewhere, whose children have become a part of this Bigass Brother program.
For example, if it were my child, I would remove the monitor and strap it to a cat and wait for the school to ask why little Billy sleeps for 20 hours a day. Or you could ask a friend who is training for the Ironman Triathlon to sponsor your child by wearing the bracelet. Or you could ask one of your child’s thin friends who plays video games all day long to wear it and, when the school begins to lecture you on your child’s sedentary behavior, point out the fact that fat kids aren’t the only ones capable of marathon sloth sessions. Or you could just smash the damn thing with a rock.
What about you? What would you do if your child’s school sent him or her home with a metabolic monitor?