Trigger warning: Brief, general mention of eating disorder.
I want to talk about a topic that’s slightly Valentine’s-themed: heartbreak and being fat. I’ve had my heartbroken a few times, even completely destroyed, and it’s never easy and there are always tears involved. But heartbreak, when you’re fat, is a whole other world. And when you’re fat, the dating scene in general is a universe removed.
You’re a member of a group that most of society hates and deems unattractive, undatable and/or unfuckable. I’ve been reading Fat Sex by Rebecca Jane Weinstein and it’s amazing how many stories there are of fat women having sex with men who didn’t want to be seen in public with them. It’s shark-infested waters out there ladies and gents. So if dating is so difficult, what must break-up be like?
I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, especially before finding Fat Acceptance, heartbreak went straight to my hips — and I don’t mean the chocolates one eats to sooth oneself. For me, I go straight to thinking about my fat and every stereotype associated with it: ugly, disgusting, repulsive, lazy, stupid, gluttonous girl!
Having a history with an eating disorder or disordered eating behaviors, as some fat people do, doesn’t help matters either. It’s easy to blame your body when someone rejects you. It means you don’t have to blame anything else. Blaming your fat means you don’t have to blame your personality, your differences, or even the other person. It doesn’t exactly help you grow as a person to blame it on your looks instead of your temper, for example.
More so, it’s a cycle of self abuse. We’ve got to stop blaming our bodies for everything. It’s not our body’s fault it exists and it’s certainly not its fault for everything in the world that you decide to heap on it. It’s not fair to blame your body and hurt it and hate it.
Some of you may have yourselves alone this past Valentine’s Day. Many of you may blame your body for the fact that you don’t have anyone, but is that really fair? Look around you: fat people, conventionally unattractive people, people with a plethora of types of disabilities, people with acne, balding people… all of those types of people have lovers, spouses, girlfriends or boyfriends, and families.
It’s not you. It’s not your body. It’s just not your time right now.
I’ve had some hellish Valentine’s Days, but not only is there someone out there for everyone, there’s lots of people out there for everyone. All you have to do is open yourself up to the possibilities and keep trying. And when you think abut blaming it on your body, stop, and rethink the situation. For that matter, your self-worth isn’t determined by who deems you fuckable or datable or even marryable. Your self-worth is determined by you, and no one else. You’re not obligated to be anything for this world. All you have to be is you.