Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you.
I’m a sexually confident woman. In my past, some men have interpreted this confidence to mean I’m indiscriminate.
The fact that I dare express willingness, if not eagerness, to have sex with some people, other people have taken as a sign that I’m a “slut” and therefore must be eager to have sex with them.
When, in reality, I’ve always been incredibly picky about my sexual partners. And I have a low tolerance for sleazy assholes.
It’s only recently that I’ve pondered the idea that fat women are thought of as “desperate sluts.” In my world, that stereotype has been more of the exception than the rule.
I’ve NEVER associated my weight with the reason some men translate my sexual confidence into some kind of freewheeling promiscuity. I just kind of figured there are jerks in this world that are unwilling or unable to see me as an independent individual.
Maybe that’s part of the point. My experience, both on my own and through discussions with other women, is that body issues and sexual tentativeness are universal.
But the PERCEPTION is that fat woman are particularly plagued by these insecurities. That fat women are, by default, insecure and, somehow, that insecurity means fat women are “easy.”
I don’t like stereotypes no matter which sex you’re talking about. I don’t think men are, by default, dogs…any more than I think women are either sluts or prudes.
Nice guys exist. And I’m not talking about assholes in disguise. I’m talking about decent, honorable men. I know they exist becasue they are a regular fixtures in my life.
Just like confident fat women exist. And insecure fat women. And insecure thin women. And, yes, confident thin women.
I sometimes feel like shouting, “In case you didn’t notice, we’re not all the same.” Women are people. We’re individuals and we deserve to be treated as such.
And I don’t care if I’m fat or thin. No one gets to treat me like I’m less than human. No one gets to assume that I’m going to have sex with them.
Really, I think this is more of a feminist issue than a fat issue. And, fat or not, I simply refuse to be ashamed of being a sexually confident woman.
I don’t understand why people have to think in stereotype all the time. I do my best to take people one at a time as individuals.
Not that I can’t hate them or think they are sleazy skanks once I find that out about them… but I try very hard not to assume anything based on outward appearance.
People think in stereotypes because it’s easy (no pun intended). It’s easier for some people to perceive/think they perceive a couple of hallmarks of a stereotype in another person - and BAM! they have that person all figured out. No more effort required, no more thinking required. It’s a sorry state of affairs.
Amen sistah.
Let’s here it for the good guys. The ones who love and support you through it all. I’ll be the first one to start clapping since I’m married to one.
It’s definately a feminist issue that concerns every woman I’ve ever spoken to.
dufmanno -
Totally a feminist issue. I think this is why I’ve ignored the “desperate fat slut” stereotype for so long. When I’d hear about it, part of me almost felt like it was a joke or an exageration.
I’d be thinking to myself, “There aren’t really people out there that believe this. How out of touch with the world would they have to be to think something so silly.”
When I met my husband, I was thin. It’s actually kind of strange that I had so much trouble mentally adjusting to the widening of my body when his reactions to it have never shown the slightest change over the years. There really are nice guys out there who care for the person first, and the body based on the person.
Or maybe he just loves me because I’ve never stopped being a desperate slut.
Trabb’s Boy -
He sounds like a great guy to me. And GO YOU for being a desperate slut for your husband!
I was a total slut just for fun. Especially if rock stars were in the mix.
Whoops, I just gave away the plot of my tell all book.
dufmanno -
Theme song at my next birthday party :
“It’s my body -
and I’ll f*ck if I want to -
f*ck if I want to -
f*ck if I want to -
I’d f*ck you too -
if I thought you were cute.”
Or is that too irreverent?
I also hate the stereotype that fat people are only attracted to other fat people. How fucking weird is that? Like tall people are only attracted to tall people?
Your post also reminds me of the interview with MeMe where she’s “so sad” that fat women have more sex than “normal” women. She assumes it’s because fat women will sleep with anyone and everyone who offers sex to them.
Really?
Because I certainly approached my fair share of fat women in my single days and I can tell you without hesitation that they weren’t desperate enough to let me buy them a drink, let alone sleep with them.
Peace,
Shannon
atchka -
I don’t know if I should be angry or sad about MeMe and her backwards views. On the one hand she propagating bigoted views and on the other hands she seems like someone that has some real issues.
I’m leaing this as a general reply cause reading through your comments made me think of this.
There is this tiny part of me that has thought the idea that fat women are seen as more sexually free than thin women is kinda cool. If you take the desperate part out of the discussion, the part where fat women are more in touch with their sexuality is an empowering idea.
Like we have some sort of leg up on thin women in the bedroom. But I know that isn’t fair to thin or fat women. Stereotypes are negative becasue they don’t give us a chance to be seen as individuals.
And, like I said in my post, that’s not what I experience in real life. At least with the women I’ve known, thin or fat isn’t the determining factor in how they feel about their sexuality.
The thought popped into me head because I’m always looking for some way to turn the ugliness I find in the world into something empowering. I’d much rather be called a slut becasue I’m sexually confident than be called a slut becasue I’m though of as desperate.