Struggling with the body positive.
I’m not at peace with my body.
I mean, I have self-esteem. I like myself. I feel I’m a person worthy of love. And I’ve accepted the shape and size of my body. I’m not trying or thinking about losing weight and I self-identify as a fat person.
Do I think I’m beautiful? I don’t know. Beauty is so relative. I know I’m beautiful in my husbands eyes. I think I’m pretty cute and I know I feel attractive when I dress up.
I know I’m not conventionally beautiful… because I’m not young or thin. But even when I was younger and thinner, I never looked like the girls in the magazines or on TV.
So I’m at peace with my looks… but not with my body.
I’m angry at my body because I’m chronically ill. My body betrays me every day. If some women are envious because the pictures in magazines are young and beautiful, I’m envious becausethose images are fit and healthy.
When I was a teenager I couldn’t run with the other kids on the track because the cut grass would give me an asthma attack… but running in the gym was just as bad because of the dust.
I’ve been fighting to stay in shape my entire life, and that fight is against a body that feels better when all I do is sit still. I suppose I understand what it’s like for women who diet and don’t loose weight because I’ve felt a similar betrayal.
I don’t know how to help someone else be body positive. I don’t have any great tips. Maybe the problem is thinking of body positivity as a goal. Like one day you will suddenly be at peace with your body.
I think body positivity is more of a lifelong journey. You may reach a new plateau of understanding, but there will also be good days and bad days in relation to how you feel about your body.
I’m more at peace with my body than I was as a kid, even more than I was 10 years ago, but I still have things to work on. So the journey continues.
As I begin pushing my way into my 30s, I’ve started wondering how my body is going to start breaking down and how I’ll react to that. But it sounds like your body has been disagreeable since the beginning. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with chronic illness. It doesn’t seem to have hindered your coolness any, though, if that helps.
Peace,
Shannon
I’m in my late 40′s, and yes, things are breaking down quicker and taking longer to fix these days. Like Elizabeth, I have issues due to health. I abused my body in spectacular ways when I was young. (OK, until I was 39, and the doc said one more rock climbing fall would probably cripple me for life). I’ve had so many injuries from doing things now considered extreme sports, like rodeos, rock climbing (the kind where it’s you and the rock, no ropes, no nothing), motorcycles, etc. I’m beat up. I have permanent damage all over that makes it hard to exercise. Still, I do it because I know if I don’t, all those injured joints will freeze up, and then I’ll be screwed.
Beauty really isn’t particularly relative, though- we have many scientific studies showing that beauty can be judged, as humans see beauty in relatively the same way. Many guys who claim to find beauty in traditionally ugly girls are lying because they have no other option.
Um… no, this isn’t correct in the least. There are cultural differences in beauty throughout the world. There is no such thing as a universal definition of beauty. There are universal beauty ideals in any individual culture, but as someone who has non-traditional tastes, I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.
Peace,
Shannon
“we have many scientific studies showing that beauty can be judged, as humans see beauty in relatively the same way”
Notice they didn’t cite these numerous studies. I think this post is just a lazy regurgitation based on stuff I’ve heard floating around about symmetry and the Golden Ratio. There was a special on one of the science/health channels a few months ago about “The Science of Beauty” that showed many (not *all*) people have similar attraction to certain gender markers or something based on evolution of the species and reproduction. Like women like men with deep voices and men are drawn to women with hips. I know I’m totally bsing the description but I just can’t remember most of it or conjure the big sciencey words I need to sound legitimate (that will teach me to try and write coherently when my blood sugar is low and I’ve been reading blog posts for about 3 hrs straight). It was interesting but by no means definitive. It also didn’t touch at all on homosexuality, fat vs. thin, cultural bias etc. etc.