Making Peace —
Welcome to 2011!
Did you make a resolution?
I did, my wife didn’t.
She thinks they’re stupid, I think they’re valuable.
And I can definitely understand her side. Whatever changes you want to make in your life, you can do it at any time throughout the year. You don’t have to wait until a single, magical night that is somehow supposed to mark a new beginning. New Year’s isn’t magic. It’s simply a commemoration of the continuation of your life and the time in which you live it.
Want to make a resolution to stop being an asshole? Great! But your success or failure does not depend upon a January First declaration of intent. You can stop being an asshole any day you want and your odds of succeeding or failure is exactly the same.
And, of course, we hear so much about the failure rate of New Year’s resolutions. Therefore, people assume that it is the nature of resolutions to fail and that making them will only remind you of your failures and shortcomings.
I strongly disagree.
I love setting a New Year’s resolution because it gives me a sort of metric by which to judge my year.
For example, on New Year’s Day 2010, I resolved to make money off of my writing, even if it was a single piece. This resolution was to motivate me toward my goal of being a full-time freelance writer.
I failed.
I even had some opportunities that I squandered.
Yet, I have continued writing and pursuing projects that I love, despite that failure, because I love writing and I couldn’t live without this form of expression. If I didn’t have an outlet for my frustrations, fears and dysfunctional thoughts, then I would surely suffocate.
When I look back on my year and all that I achieved in the pursuit of a writing career, I know that I am further along than I was a year ago, and that my goal is growing closer.
Therefore, I made the same damned resolution again.
My failure does not discourage me. Surrendering to failure would.
The other thing about the New Year’s resolution is that I am occassionally reminded of it throughout the year. And when I am reminded, I reflect upon how long it has been since I began, how far I have come already, and how far I have yet to go. All of these reflections allow me to gauge my success, and so long as I am moving toward my goal, the degree to which I have succeeded is unimportant.
With any resolution, the size or speed of the success matters not a bit. Resolutions are individual goals that should not be compared to similar, or even dissimilar, goals. I measure my success by how I feel about quality of the steps I am taking toward that goal, not by how many steps I have taken.
By choosing to focus on a single important goal, I can hold myself accountable, one year from now, about what I’ve done to successfully move me closer to that goal, as well as what held me back.
But above all, resolutions should be something positive that you want or need to do.
Of course, the most popular New Year’s resolution is weight loss, which many people think they want or need to do. But have you ever met anyone who embarks upon a weight loss resolution without some amount of complaining about the deprivation and self-flagellation required to achieve that goal?
The “want” often comes from wanting to be “normal” or wanting to be loved or wanting to be attractive. Rarely is it simply because we have a desire to be thin for the sake of being thin. The desire to be thin is in relation to how we perceive it will improve our lives.
It’s a false “want.” It’s the vicarious want of commercial interests that have poisoned the minds of people into thinking that happiness is just a smaller waistline away. Nobody “wants” to be thin. They want to be all the things that thinness promises.
And as far as “needing” to lose weight… well, nobody “needs” to change their bodies at all. Ever.
“But what about those with diabetes?”
Nope. Not at all.
I mean, 6% of those in the “Normal” BMI category have diabetes. Would you recommend weight loss to them? I would hope not.
And besides that, research confirms again and again and again that exercise, “regardless of weight loss,” has an incredibly positive impact on the disease.
So, if you don’t really want it and you don’t really need it, then why the hell are you doing it?
This year, I hope that you will pick up a copy of “Health at Every Size” by Linda Bacon. You have two great opportunities to do so: either before you begin your diet, while you’re still dreading the prospect, or after your diet fails.
Obviously, the sooner the better.
Now, I’m not going to explain what HAES is in detail, as you can find plenty of resources on the subject (including below). In short, HAES is a non-dieting (as in no caloric restriction, no dietary plans, no food journals, no attempts to lose weight) approach to health that is gaining traction in the medical community.
HAES has three pillars:
- Eating in a flexible manner that values pleasure and honors internal cues of hunger, satiety, and appetite.
- Finding the joy in moving one’s body and becoming more physically vital.
- Accepting and respecting the natural diversity of body sizes and shapes.
Now, you may choose to dive right in and start eating healthy, moving your body, which is great. But for many people, those two pillars are the most restrictive of HAES because of various personal reasons. Improving your diet and adding exercise requires actual, physical commitments that you may not be capable of making.
However, the third pillar you can, and should, begin today. You don’t even have to wait until your diet fails!
In fact, I think that if you are keen on making a resolution this year, it should be “Love Thyself Unconditionally.”
Because even though the first two pillars are restrictive, the third pillar, self-love, is the most difficult.
Think about it: our society reinforces the first two pillars. There is no end of support for improving your diet and exercising. Hell, turn on the TV today and you’ll find a flurry of healthy recipes and healthy exercises that you can enjoy.
But where is the self-love on television? Where are the “You are beautiful!” messages? Where is the encouragement to be kind to yourself, to love your body as it is and to accept your genetic endowment with grace and peace?
If you choose to eat healthy and exercise, you’ll get no end of support from your family and friends. Hell, when I told my mom I ate a bowl of chili from Steak ‘n’ Shake with beans she about smothered me in adoration.
But tell my mom that I love my body as it is and I’m not planning to change who I am? Crickets.
So the first two pillars have an incredible support system already in place. The third pillar needs some help.
And, I believe, you will be much more successful at living HAES if you first learn to love your body and to love yourself. If you don’t, then you’ll likely begin HAES with secret hopes of pounds shed, and when nothing of the sort materializes, you’ll drop HAES as quickly as you did Atkins.
So, I urge you to make self-love your 2011 New Year’s resolution. Make that choice today to love yourself more by 2012 than you do today. Make that choice to see yourself as beautiful and capable and in the exact body you should be. Make that choice to see mainstream messages of beauty for what they are: selling advertising.
To help you on your path toward self-acceptance, I’m including links below to some of the body positive websites I’ve discovered. I’ve also become a fan of a Tumblr called Stop Hating Your Body, which includes self-love of women (and a few men) of all sizes sharing their struggles at accepting themselves.
There are other awesome Tumblrs as well, including:
- Radical Self-Acceptance
- Definatalie’s Death Fatties
- Fuck Yeah Zaftig
- Fuck Yeah Plus Size
- Fuck Yeah Body Love
- Fuck Yeah Fat Positive
Immerse yourself in the self-love of others and it will help you find a way to love yourself.
Make peace with your body this year. It is a goal worth having and a resolution worth pursuing. Make the resolution today to love yourself more than last.
Then on New Year’s Eve 2011, reflect upon where you were today and just how far you’ve come.
I bet you’ll be amazed.
