“Real” Women Don’t Necessarily Have Curves
I keep seeing references to fat women that are meant to be positive, calling us “real women”: plus-sized clothing stores who advertise that their clothes are for “real women”; calling thin women “anorexic” or “twigs” and suggesting that they “need to eat a sandwich”; shirts that say “real women have curves”; men who find fat women attractive saying that they like a woman who “looks like a woman.”
I would love to have more fat positive t-shirts, but they all seem to be saying something nasty about thin women. Or the phrase “curves in all the right places,” which seems to mean fat is cool if you mean a small waist and huge boobs and ass.
While I teach dance classes that are created specifically to be body inclusive, I personally know a woman who was ridiculed in a belly dance class by a plus-sized instructor who told her, “Dearie, this class is belly dance for women, so if you look like a boy and you don’t have a belly, this probably isn’t the class for you.”
This really bugs me. I mean a lot. As if thin women are somehow “fake,” or that we should try to convince our would-be partners, or society, that we are somehow better than our thin counterparts because of the shape of our bodies. I think that we are stumbling on the path to equality here.
From my perspective, it’s not about trying to bring someone else down. We achieve equality by bringing ourselves up – by doing things like shattering stereotypes and refusing to participate in a cultural phenomenon whereby our body size is used as a measure for anything other than exactly what it is – the size of our bodies.
I just don’t think that trying to make thin women feel bad about themselves is the way to go. In fact, I would wager that it increases the chasm of mutual fear and insecurity that so many for-profit corporations are consciously creating to try to convince us to buy their diet, make-up, hair products, and feeds into the cycle of body-bashing.
At any rate, putting down other people and trying to make them feel bad about themselves to make ourselves feel better was a bad idea in Junior High and it’s a bad idea now.
If we want people to stop judging us by our body size, I think we should probably take a pass on judging others on their size. Big, small, short, tall, curves or not: beauty, and real women, come in all shapes and sizes.
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I don’t know the adage or a cliché or just a basic rule polite society but we will heard the phrase “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.” Your post touches on philosophy, social justice, civility, self-esteem, religiosity, marketing, etc.
I could not agree with the spirit of your post more. When we advocate we should always be building up instead of tearing down. I think because there’s been so many forces tearing us down for so many years that it takes extra thought, extra discipline to take the high road and take that road right along with our skinny and that tall and short brothers and sisters.
I wholeheartedly agree, however, in saying that, I think one of the main reasons that “real women have curves” has become the catch phrase of so many larger ladies (and men who like larger ladies) Is not meant as an insult to our thinner counterparts, but in reclaiming some power over their bodies. In the same way that they feel put down and shunned by all the skinny positive media out there, it’s something that they can claim to help them feel better about themselves. I think it because so popular and loved was more to do with the fat positive part of the message than the not as obvious on a “can’t judge a book by its cover” basis…
I definitley don’t agree with the statement. Real women have brains/body/soul/being that lend itself to feeling/believing/knowing they’re a woman. Regardless of what you “are”
I agree with you. Of course real women come in all sizes and should be seen for attributes such as intelligence, kindness, and capability first. My (second) husband seems to be a rarity-he was not a “chubby chaser,” he liked me for myself. He had dated women of all different sizes, including one who looked like a supermodel and had the attitude to go with it, before our friendship became something more. It turned out that he wanted a woman who was interested in something besides preening and worrying if one single eyebrow hair was astray. I sometimes drive him crazy with my insecurity about my body because he genuinely likes me just as I am.
Thank you for writing this post. It really means a lot to me. I have always somewhat disliked the statement. Although I know it was meant with good intensions, it still insinuates women who supposedly don’t have curves aren’t real. I also understand there is a part of society that praises super skinny figures and excludes full figured people, and that such statements that you referred to could just be part of the backlask against that, because they felt hurt and exluded, they came up with some catch phrases that would build them up and exlcude the thin, but like you said, that’s not the way to go. We have to learn to appreciate bodies of all sizes. Some women have Beyonce curves, and some have subtle curves…like myself, at 32B-23-33, I feel like I have a nice vase shape, and I love it. Some people might and they have called me a stick figure, but I’m not. My curves are there, they just aren’t like BOOM-BAM curves. And that’s just fine with me. I feel like I have a great proportional figure, and I love when larger figures can still love their body and appreciate bodies like mine at the same time, because that displays that they are really confident in themselves. It takes confident people to appreciate all sizes and love certain body types without tearing another body type down, and that’s the level of respect and body positiovity that we all should be trying to achive.
Agree 100%! These are the types of posts that should be emphasized in magazines - being fair, balanced and confident in whatever body shape you are.
There are several problems going on here.
If stores said “We have beautiful clothes for fat women”, they wouldn’t get customers. “Fat” is such a loaded word and has taken on some negative meanings. It’s like saying, “We have beautiful clothes for ugly women.”
To me, “real woman” is not so much fat vs. thin, but someone who doesn’t look overly made-up and posed and photoshopped. Even models don’t look like their magazine images.
Even fat real women don’t necessarily have a lot of curves, unless you call barrel-shaped curvy. “Curvy” women come in many sizes, (as do real women) and it’s annoying to me to use words like “real” and “curvy” as euphemisms for fat.
The “eat a sandwich” remark is fallout from fat hate. If fat women are assumed to be out of control, then thin women must obviously be overcontrolled. If all fat women are compulsive eaters, then all thin women must be anorexics. Yeah, it’s incredibly stupid. As a matter of fact, fat women can be anorexics, but that’s something that doesn’t register in our society.
Mulberry nails it again.
Peace,
Shannon
I think Fat Acceptance has abandoned any mention of “real women,” but it’s still used commercially (Lane Bryant is a perfect example). But I agree with ambi, it’s a reaction to decades of oppression. Fat women are finally starting to feel “free” and they are expressing that freedom by reclaiming their “realness,” which has been denied for so long. I would imagine that if you are told for years and years that you are a non-sexual being (and denying sexuality can imply denying your womanliness), then when you are finally told that you can be who you are, you would embrace that “real” term and squeeze it so tight that it bursts.
I think we need to help people realize that tearing down anyone for the kind of body they have is wrong. It does not matter whether you are thin or fat: you are real.
Peace,
Shannon
Ok, I agree with this post, and it made me look in the mirror a little. I’ve been overly critical of some women (and some hipster dudes too) that I think are too thin. I need to be more fair and less vocal. Thanks for a great post.
On the other hand, hipsters should be fair game regardless of size.
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Yay, this, exactly. My daughter (19) is 5’6 and 110 pounds. I am 5’4 and probably just under 200. Our caloric intake is probably much the same, and not at all deprivational, although, I would say, my eating is more ‘controlled’ (ie., well-organized - because I like to be) than hers.
I am quite thankful to the gods of random genetics for giving me such a daughter, because it means that I don’t need to have the point driven home to me that size acceptance is.. size acceptance. Acceptance of size and body type. And I get to see the snideness that occurs toward those who are at either end of the spectrum, and, honestly, at this point, my daughter is the recipient of far more concern-masquerading snideness than I am. I suppose I look “real” and like a reassuring visual reminder that a little fatness is not necessarily apocalyptic. My daughter, on the other hand, has to listen to frequent mock-envious or concerned suggestions that she is anorexic (she isn’t). It sucks.
At what point will we over come the shallow idea that a healthy weight is only for the sake of appearance? Real PEOPLE are not obsessed with a scale, but lead a healthy active lifestyle which doesn’t leave time for such dribble.
It’s not a shallow idea that a healthy weight is only for the sake of appearance. When people rag on me about my weight and tell me they are concerned for my “health”, they don’t know jack shit about my health. They don’t know that my blood pressure is normal and always has been, even though I’m DEATHFATZ. They don’t know that my blood sugar is normal and always has been, even though I’m DEATHFATZ. They don’t know that my cholesterol is normal and always has been, even though I’m DEATHFATZ and have been for over 30 years. They want me to lose weight because they don’t want to look at my fat ass. You can’t get much more about healthy weight for the sake of appearance than that.
Not all “real PEOPLE have the ability to lead a healthy, active lifestyle which doesn’t leave time for such dribble.” Some real PEOPLE are too poor to eat healthy foods or be active in “approved” ways. Some real PEOPLE have disabilities that prevent them from “leading a healthy, active lifestyle”. Actually, real PEOPLE have lives that they’re busy trying to lead that don’t allow them time for such “dribble”, as you call it.
As for a “healthy weight”, well, I see healthy weight being highly individual and not something that can be nailed down and said to fit every person - for example, every person who is 5′ 6″ is healthy only if they weigh 125 -140 lbs. Some may be healthier at lower weights than 125 lbs, some may be healthier at higher weights than 140 lbs, and no one has the right to make that determination but the person living in that body.
And what constitutes a “healthy active lifestyle” also varies from person to person, and no one has the right to judge anyone else on that either. We all do what we can toward living that, each according to our ability and that should be good enough.
You are so right!
It hurts when people say ‘real women have curves’.
I wish I had curves, I’m super thin and as flatchested as a 10 year old boy.
This means that I’m not a real woman?
I envy women who are ‘plus-size’ (what does that mean anyways -_-) and have curves.
We come in ALL shapes and sizes and I think every woman is beautiful in their own way.
‘From my perspective, it’s not about trying to bring someone else down. We achieve equality by bringing ourselves up – by doing things like shattering stereotypes and refusing to participate in a cultural phenomenon whereby our body size is used as a measure for anything other than exactly what it is – the size of our bodies.’
So true!
Thank you!
Absolutely love this article. These are the types of articles we should be seeing in women’s magazines - posts which embrace everyone.
I hate the ‘real women have curves’ saying because it has cultivated a society which now thinks it’s acceptable to make fun of a slim woman (e.g. “She should eat a sandwich! Look at her ribs..gross!”) and treat her like she is less (“She looks like a 10 year old girl! She has no curves!”). I am slim (and healthy) and I am ridiculed on an almost daily basis for being this way. It’s a good thing I love myself and I am strong enough to let it all slide, otherwise I’d be a sad little lady.
More serious than being deemed unattractive by men is the fact that we are saying lack of curves makes you LESS of a woman. It is beautiful to be a woman. It is heartbreaking to have society tell you that you are not worthy of being called a woman because of your natural body.
It is a type of bullying and it needs to stop. Articles like this are wonderful, thank you for writing.
I agree with your post.
There is something that makes me consider deeper, however; someone said that “fat women” are “finally feeling free” or something to that effect.
I was unaware that “fat” is an uncontrollable ethnicity, race, gender or other legally protected status.
Fat women can do several things to “feel free,” and that includes,
1. Lose weight. I almost feel like I’m using invective when I say this, but that only makes me more certain that it needs to be said. No one — whether intentionally emaciated women, or obese women — should be allowed to believe that their negative habits are not only O.K., but also celebrated. The percentage of women, or rather, people in general, who are fat in America because of overeating and a lack of exercise far exceeds the amount of people who are fat because of a genuine medical condition.
You want to feel better about yourself? Lose some weight. That doesn’t mean you have to hate yourself NOW, but you will absolutely adore yourself, later. (In regard only to physical appearance, of course; your personality another matter)
2. Your children. Nothing screams obnoxious and irresponsible more than a fat parent who allows her fat children to get fat. No seven-year-old should even be overweight, much less piteously obese. A child cannot understand what he is doing. You can eliminate fatness starting at your own house by teaching your children temperance, and instilling within them a love of active entertainment, such as sports, running, swimming, and outdoor games and activities, like tag, hiking and catch.
Atarii,
It’s a really, really, really bad idea to make your first comment on a site run by fat people with this kind of nonsense. But since it’s my birthday weekend, I’m not going to bother with responding to a turd like you.
We have one simple rule here on Fierce, Freethinking Fatties: don’t be an asshole.
You’ve come to our site with your asshole hat and boots on, so if you’re here to stir up shit, you’re not going to last long. If you have a legitimate question or disagreement, then we welcome them. Choose your words wisely or GTFO.
Peace,
Shannon
Why should I adore myself for losing weight? My weight is out of my control, no matter which direction it goes in.
You know what, Atarii - if you could learn to exercise your mental facilities, you could stop confusing fatness with bad habits. Nothing screams obnoxious more than a troll who refuses to learn.