Unintentional diet.
In my early twenties there was this friend of a friend that I knew who was going through a divorce. At that time, most of the people I knew were getting together, not about to end a marriage. So, she was an oddity amongst my peers and I distinctly remember her making a comment about how “divorce is the best diet I’ve ever gone on.”
At the time I thought it was a weird thing to say, which is why it’s stuck in my head all these years. As most of you are aware, I’ve never really gotten the idea of dieting. So, in my mind, it seemed like she was saying two negatives had managed to lead to a positive. But I didn’t really see the positive because I didn’t think she needed to lose weight. She was a big girl, but she was also a fierce woman with a lot of friends and no problem getting romantic invitations. Maybe I didn’t have the right to have that opinion, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking she was just fine the way she was.
Well, now I’m going through the first steps toward divorce and I have to admit that I’ve gone on a completely unintentional diet. Things are very stressful right now and I have very little appetite.
Even when I manage to eat, I can only deal with a couple bites before I have to stop. I mean, I’m taking care of myself; I’m paying attention to my hunger cues and making sure I don’t abuse my body by denying it what it wants… it just doesn’t seem to want.
I’m not going to force myself to eat more than my body is asking. Maybe if I started losing a drastic amount of weight, then I’d start to be concerned. But it’s been less than a week since everything came to a head, so my appetite could come back as soon as I have a little more sense of what’s coming next.
I’m going through a life-changing event, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that my body is also having a hard time adjusting to what’s going on. Fatter or thinner, I’m determined to be happy with the body I have. So, I’m not going to be mad if I lose weight, I’m going to try and remain ambivalent.
There is one part I won’t like. If I loose weight, I’m sure I’ll be super-annoyed at all the “Wow, you look great” comments. Here’s hoping the friends I have know me well enough to realize I don’t want to be complimented or dismissed based on my size.
So, to make things come full circle, if I do lose weight because of getting divorced, this is what I’m going to say, “Divorce was the worst thing that ever happened to my wardrobe. I had to find all new cute clothes to wear because I lost a couple sizes.”
Don’t worry, you’ll gain it back. I lost fifteen pounds before leaving my husband. A new boyfriend and I put on thirty. I wouldn’t trade the new man in my life for the world. We’ve been together for ten years so far. I still have clothes in my closet two or more sizes too small.
Ah yes, the loss of appetite due to a divorce. I have been there. It wasn’t a divorce, but an end to a 6 year relationship. It took a toll on me in every aspect. I lived with the guy and worked down the street. When we broke up, it wasn’t just the being away from him that I had to deal with. I had to move into a new place to live, and even get a new job. It was a lot of adjustments in one week, and I only ate for the purpose of not dropping over, even though I remember all the taste of any food was completely absent for about 3 weeks.
But this is common. And I wouldn’t label it as an accidental diet. You seem so afraid and avoidant of anything associated with dieting that even this is bothering you…I find that kind of disturbing. Don’t blame or punish yourself for not eating normally. You are going through a stressful and emotional time, and changes in your eating routine are pretty much expected.
I’m sorry you’re going through a divorce. I know its very stressful. I ground my teeth when I was sleeping during my divorce and still have problems with my jaw because of it.
I also hate the “wow, you’ve lost weight!” compliments. So…I looked like a pile of shit before because I was heavier? I think not! Compliment me if I’m dressed nicely, if I’ve done something worth noting, but do not compliment me on weight loss. I hate that!
Good luck during your divorce. It will be better when it’s all over!
I hated that when I was going through a divorce myself. I didn’t eat because of stress. It wasn’t intentional. I felt awful. I didn’t need a compliment about losing weight. It didn’t help matters. Once I was over the stress of going through a divorce, my weight returned and brought with it a feel friends. I don’t think I look worse now. So I’m heavier, I’m also happier.
Aw, Eliz. Stress does terrible things to our bodies; terrible, unpredictable things. Some people react by eating more, some less. In fact, stressful situations are probably the most common situations in which a person’s set weight may change (at least temporarily). The chemical reaction to stress is completely individual and so long as you are paying attention to your hunger cues and not neglecting yourself, you will be fine physically.
And I totally get where you’re coming from on the weight loss “compliments.” It makes you feel so awkward and icky when that’s what people pick up on, even though everything around you is in shambles.
I hope you continue to take care of yourself, your body and your mind, and you just need to know that time heals. In time, you will be okay.
Peace,
Shannon