The Other F Word
Ah, my second favorite F word.
My blog is called danceswithfat. I describe myself as fat on a regular basis. Let me say a few words about “fat”.
For me it a reclaiming term. That is to say that it was a word used against me by bullies of every stripe to make me feel bad about myself. My use of the word fat as a self-descriptor is my personal way of saying that those bullies cannot have my lunch money any more.
This is a personal decision for me – I have no desire to convince others to use it. I honestly don’t care if anyone else uses it to describe themselves. I do. That being said, my feeling about reclaiming terms is that I can’t use a term unless I am willing to have others outside of my community use that term. The caveat to that is that they must use the term with the same connotation and intent.
So if you want to call me fat – meaning that I have a lot of adipose tissue, I’m fine with that. Just like you could say that I have long hair because I have a lot of hair. If you want to call me fat in a way that is derisive- trying to make me feel bad and asserting assumptions that by my size you can tell my health, fitness, or anything about me other than my size, then you and I are going to have a problem. And buddy, you might as well stop eyeing my lunch money because there’s no way you’re getting it.
When I’m meeting someone in a coffee shop for a business meeting and I tell them to look for the “short, fat, brunette with her hair up in a bun” they will often say “Oh, don’t call yourself fat”. Not even once has someone said “Oh, don’t call yourself brunette”.
In our culture, fat has become shorthand for any number of negative descriptors including: unhealthy, lazy, unattractive, unfit, un-athletic etc. People dread the idea of appearing fat and go to incredibly lengths of discomfort (from being wrapped in essentially plastic wrap and heated, to being encased in so many restrictive undergarments that you feel like some sort of shallow breathing sausage) in an effort for their bodies to appear to be a different size or shape… or just to look a little less fat.
I weigh 284 pounds and they make swimsuits in my size that say “Look 10 pounds slimmer!” Really? What precisely could I be trying to accomplish by looking 274lbs instead of 284lbs? But despite the fact that trying to get into one feels like an audition for Cirque du Soleil (I had to see what the hype was about), the woman in the fat girl store said that they can’t keep them on the shelves. Of course people have every right to do whatever they want with their bodies and I have absolutely no issue with those choices, I’m just suggesting that we examine a culture in which making your body appear smaller can reasonably be considered a higher priority than say, breathing.
For me “fat” is a neutral descriptor. In truth, it doesn’t accurately describe my predominant body composition since percentage-wise I’m not comprised mostly of fat, but since I’m squishy and lumpy on the outside “fat” seems to fit me.
I don’t think that “fat” is a negative descriptor any more than I think “brunette” is negative. I also don’t think that “fat” is positive. When I say that I’m part of the fat pride movement, I don’t mean that I’m proud to be fat anymore than I’m proud to be a brunette. I mean that I am proud to be a successful woman with high self-esteem in a world where I get 386,170 negative messages about my body a year. I’m proud to live fully outside the cultural standard of beauty and yet be sure of my beauty and sexiness, even in a world where Psychology Today prints an article that asserts: “To understand what it takes to be beautiful, we need to be very clear about what being beautiful means—being sexually appealing to men.” I’m proud to have made the conscious decision not to diet because my vast research shows that it’s a scientifically unhealthy choice. I’m proud to be able to say “no” to all of the things that the $60,000,000,000 dollar a year diet industry tries to sell me with absolutely no proof of efficacy. I’m proud of the writing and speaking that I do about self-esteem, body image and health at every size, and I’m incredibly grateful for every person who has ever said it had a positive impact on them.
Those are things to celebrate – those of thing of which I am very proud.
As for being fat?
I am fat. And that is that.
fiercefatties
dufmanno
vesta44
JeninCanada
atchka
erylin
lexiedi
joannadeadwinter
dr deah
shaunta
roundgirlrocks
hlkolaya
lifeonfats
bronwenofhindscroft
osufem
onefabulousmamaistheshiznet
The Smokin' Deist
showmediabetes
drpattiethomas
The very words “Psychology Today” send a chill through me. Who lets them print/post this crap!?
Such a great post. You just pulled a bunch of thoughts right out of my head.
Very inspirational post.
This kind of thing always reminds me of the GLBT community and the word “queer”. “Fat” can also be reclaimed, but only if we stop being afraid of it. Great post.
I absolutely agree with you. To me, fat is just a neutral identifying term like hair color, eye color, even skin color. As for beauty being defined as “being attractive to men…” Really? I’m a heterosexual woman and I find that description offensive. There is beauty that has nothing to do with being sexually attractive. And what about women who prefer women? Does the fact that they don’t care about being attractive to men make them ugly? That is the most stupid description I’ve ever heard!
As I like to say about “fat” - it isn’t the word, it’s the music. Even a pet understands the tone in which a word is said, although perhaps not its precise meaning.
I’m not offended by the quote from Psychology Today. When I read that sentence it doesn’t say to me, “This is the precise definition of the word ‘beautiful’.” It’s saying, “When we use the word ‘beautiful’ in this article, this is the meaning to which we refer.” Other definitions, such as “sexually appealing to women”, or “esthetically appealing to lovers of poetry and spectacular sunsets” are not being considered. I haven’t read the article, and it’s entirely possible that it could be offensive in other ways, such as giving the impression that they are talking about a Universal Truth rather than a generality.
It may sound like I’ve been splitting hairs here, but some words could do with more specific definitions at times so you can at least know what the other person is trying to say before you flame them to ashes. Like “fat”, for example:
Them: You never see any fat old people!
Me: Sure I have. There are lots of them.
Them: Yeah? Show me a fat old person who weighs 400 pounds!
In the News: They fired this model for being too fat.
Me: Since when is a BMI of 17 too fat? Even for a model?
On four hundred pound old people, I probably see many of them every day since I started taking the bus to do my shopping. There are many older heavier people that take the bus. I live in a fairly small city and the same people take the buses every day. If I didn’t know what a four pound person look like from the pictures displayed by a few of the ladies on the fatosphere, I would have never guessed that four hundred pounds looked so small. I would have thought that size would have made one too large to do the activities of daily life. People, headless fatties size, don’t tell strangers their weight and no one is rude enough to ask.
I’ve come across a men at least in his seventies, maybe late seventies, looked to me to be even heavier. If I had to guess, perhaps, over five hundred. People think other people are smaller than they are. People treat me like I’m slender, store clerks, people on the bus, etc. The only people that currently insult me for my weight or are considered about my weight are family members and medical personnel.
I’ve probably mentioned before that my weight but me on the border of overweight/obese. If I asked a stranger to guess my weight, one would guess around twenty-five pounds less than what I weigh. It could be because they’re being kind, but more likely they just don’t know. Kate Hardings pictures help us to see how much real people weigh. It shows that there are four hundred pound old people taking the bus even in my small city every day.
Awesome and inspiring post!
I have gotten to the stage of actively enjoying the description ‘fat’ as it applies to me. I started using the term to describe myself, nervously, about a year ago. I started using it *cheerfully* 6 months or so ago. Recently I found myself being able to accept the term happily even if people are saying it as an insult. It would be similar if somebody used a term like ‘woman’ or ‘Australian’ to attempt to insult me. Hoho, at least you’re right on one count, mate!
It has been very liberating in so many ways, giving me freedom to do a lot of things I would have been frightened to do before. Hey look, I’m a fat woman swimming. In a polkadot suit! (I love my suit). I’m a fat woman walking the dog. I’m a fat woman shopping for clothes. I’m a fat woman eating in public (salad, sausage roll, whatever.) I’m a fat woman living my life.
I’m not sure exactly how that word clocked over into such happy territory but I’m sure grateful for the FA movement that seeded the idea in my head and allowed it to grow.
The only thing that saddens me is when I describe myself as fat and people I really like freak out and say ‘You’re not fat!’ I am, I truly am! I have to reassure people that it’s okay to think of me that way.
I’d just like to say, once again - Thankyou.
After years of abuse and judgement from the world because of my size, I now have anxiety issues to deal with every time I step into the world to be around other humans. I have to put myself in a careful state of ignorance and denial to get out and socialise and live my life.
Since actively reading this blog and several others specific to ‘fat acceptance’ and feminism, I have found myself finding comfort in knowing that there are people like you in the world, who would see me walking down the street and just see a person, not a blight that should be stared at and mocked. I make myself think of people like you, and all the others when I’m in public - maybe all people aren’t so bad after all.
People know when they’re using “fat” as an insult versus a descriptor. And, most of the time, people can tell when others are using “fat” as an insult. Intent is everything, so the word’s only true power is in the delivery, not from the definition. It’s just loaded with connotation that everyone seems to be completely afraid of.
Great piece.
Peace,
Shannon