But Your Fat Will Catch Up With You!
This happens to me all the time: I’m in a conversation with someone who thought it was appropriate to make random guesses about my health based only on my size. I’ve quelled my rage, given them the benefit of the doubt, and asked permission to suggest another point of view – to which they’ve agreed. I’ve explained that there are other beliefs out there; I’ve talked about the science and the concept of Health at Every Size; I’ve explained that there are plenty of people with the same food and lifestyle choices who have vastly different body sizes – both healthy and unhealthy. I use myself as an example: I’m 5’4, 284 pounds and in perfect health. (Perfect numbers, great stamina, can press 1,000 pounds with my legs, can do the splits).
Then it happens. The VFHT: Vague Future Health Threat.
It sounds like this “Well, you may be healthy now, but it will catch up to you someday.” They look triumphant because the VFHT is indefensible.
Now, instead of giving them another perspective, I’m just fighting the urge to set this person on fire. It’s not just the person I’m talking to, it’s also that this is the the 10 zillionth time I’ve heard this over the past 13years. I’m still healthy and I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be 102 years old and still pressured to diet so that it doesn’t “catch up to me.”
I find this to be paternalistic, ignorant, unsupported, and annoying for the following reasons:
- Typically this person has already inaccurately assessed my current health (i.e., “Nobody can be healthy at your weight”), but now they want me to believe that they can accurately predict my future health.
- What is this “it” that will catch up to me? I am not outrunning my fat – it’s all right here. I am not a thin woman covered in fat, I am a fat woman who is also a very fit athlete. So, what’s going to catch up with me: my perfect blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose and triglycerides? My working out and eating healthy? My strength, stamina, and flexibility?
- Everyone is going to die. There is a 100% chance. I just happen to live in a culture where it almost doesn’t matter why I die – someone will blame it on my fat. That doesn’t make it true. This “it will catch up to you” claim is just not supported by the available science and, of all the people who’ve VFHT’d me in my life, NOT ONE has accepted my invitation to cite his/her research (including doctors).
- What if I changed the rules of the lottery so that if you lost, you had to pay the lottery money as a penalty? Now, not only is your chance of winning infinitesimally small, but there is a near 100% chance that you’ll end up with LESS money than you had after you bought the ticket. Would you play? Now imagine that this isn’t your money we’re talking about – it’s your long term health. There is not a single study that proves that any weight loss method is effective long term, but many studies indicate that weight cycling (yo-yo dieting) is less healthy than being obese. Since diets have such an abysmal failure rate over statistically significant sample sizes, if I go on just two diets where I lose weight and gain it back (and I have a very high chance of doing just that both times), then I’ve likely damaged my current good health and endangered my future health on a roll of the dice that was obviously a losing bet from the beginning. The person VFHTing me is asking that I do something they can’t prove is possible, for a reason they can’t prove is valid, with a very high percentage that I’ll end up less healthy at the end. I’ll pass.
So what do you say to the VFHT?
Here are some possible responses broken down by category. (As always, I never try to change someone else’s behavior. I ask for qualification and/or I set my boundaries and consequences. )
Quick and simple:
- Cite your research.
- I find it inappropriate for you to make guesses about my future health.
- My health is not your business. (If, at this point, they bring up taxpayer dollars or health care costs, I ask them for an itemized list of things for which their local, state, and federal taxes pay, or health problems that people develop for which causation cannot be proven; broken down into categories of things they are happy to pay for, and things they don’t want to pay for. If they don’t happen to have that list on hand, I let them know that I’ll be happy to discuss it once they do.)
More detailed/scientific:
- I don’t know of a single statistically significant, properly controlled scientific study that supports that statement. So, either cite your research or I’m going to assume that I know more about this than you do and you are just talking without actually knowing what your talking about. (Or “talking out of your ass,” depending on my mood).
- You have no way to know that. Cite your research or I will assume that you are putting my health at risk by talking about things for which you have no actual knowledge or qualifications. That is completely unacceptable to me.
The pointed response (feel free to mix and match questions/responses with boundary statements):
- How dare you make assumptions about my health? You may not discuss my health with me.
- I find you completely unqualified to make that statement. Please keep your opinions about my health to yourself.
- My health is not your business and you are not allowed to comment on it.
- You will immediately stop making guesses and assumptions about my future health or this conversation is over.
The snarky responses (I don’t actually recommend these because I prefer some kind of productive conversation if possible, but it’s fun to think about):
- I had no idea you could predict the future! Would you mind giving me tomorrow’s lottery numbers?
- Actually the fat doesn’t have to catch up with me – I keep it right here… unless you saw some back there that I lost?
- I totally forgot that being thin makes me immortal – thank god you told me or I might have died some day.
- I meant to tell you that I’m actually worried about you. I read on a website that we are about to experience another ice age and without fat stores to keep you alive and warm, you’re absolutely going to freeze to death. I know it sounds crazy, but it was on the internet so you know it must be true and I’m going to tell everyone!
Remember that you get to choose how people treat you. If you decide that they don’t get to VFHT you, then you just need to put that plan into action, set boundaries and consequences and get after it.
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I get that VFHT every once in a while, and my response lately has been that I’ve been over 300 lbs for 30 years now, and that VFHT hasn’t caught up to me yet, so it’s probably moving slower than I am. If they insist that my health is still at stake, I ask them “Are you my doctor? Do you pay my health insurance? Do you pay any of my bills? No? So why is this any of your business?” That usually shuts them up. I know it’s not really nice, but I’m rather tired of being told that my fat is going to kill me. My fat isn’t what’s going to kill me, what’s going to kill me is life - it kills us all, sooner or later, and there’s no way to avoid it, not at all.
I imagine how frustrating it must be to hear that. I always get, “Your metabolism might be invincible now but it will catch up with you.” How about, maybe not? Because my mom is 53 and still has the metabolism of a 16 year old, as does my dad. Do people not want to believe that some people just will be naturally thin past the age of puberty? I never say that to people though, because I don’t want to make them feel bad about their own body. But the temptating is just always there anyway.
Enough about me, I feel like it would be useless advice to just suggest to ignore them. Sometimes it’s just hard to. In your situation, I might say, “Or maye not. Time will tell.”
Something I’m always tempted to say: “I’ll probably be fat at your funeral.”
Now that’s a good line!
“I’ll probably be fat at your funeral.”… and your family better serve bagels and lox after I’ve gone through the trouble of dragging my fat ass to your funeral… don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss you… but the lox will offset my grief.
In my last major dieting attempt, I did Medifast, so I replaced all my meals with shakes. Before starting the diet, I was healthy but fat. During the diet, I started showing symptoms of arthritis and then psoriasis, (the arthritis turned out to be psoriatic arthritis). While I’m only one person, thus my experience does not equal a scientific study, I am 100% convinced that the psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis is the direct result of the diet. I’m not talking dry elbows in winter psoriasis, but severe psoriasis to the point that my dermatologist says my psoriasis is the worst she’s ever seen. (I am fortunate that my psoriatic arthritis was caught and treated before any significant joint damage.)
My health costs prior to the diet were next to nil, since developing psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, my health costs are outrageous. Not just the doctor visits, but mainly the biologic medicines that are required to keep my condition under control.
I’m so glad I dieted for my health.
I did Slime Fast and ended up with horrible irritable bowel syndrome, my skin becoming dry and flaky, and my hair starting to fall out. I’m a CNA who is working on becoming a nurse and in real life, the only people who are on liquid only diets are people with very severe health problems that prevent them from digesting solid food. The rest of us actually need to EAT.
I have psoriasis too, thankfully in something of a remission at the moment. It is kind of a strange disease, and I wonder if anyone really knows what causes it in general; it’s quite idiosyncratic. It can come and go for no discernible reason. Many people find that stress aggravates it, however I’ve known at least one someone who gets a break from it in times of stress. There’s a genetic component, but some people just get it out of the blue. Some people have it triggered by a strep throat.
Do you think your condition was caused by something in the Medifast shake, or by some nutrient or vitamin that was left out? I’m glad the biologic (Enbrel?) is working for you. I have not personally had worse than a moderate flare, but I know it can be quite uncomfortable (painful, bloody, itchy, unsightly) to live with. My best to you.
Regan, I like your snarky answers best, especially the second one. A little humor confuses lots of people, and the reaction can be amusing. Save the serious conversations for people who have some mental flexibility.
I love it! I love that you are tackling this common cannard head-on. Part of the problem is that in our society body = lifestyle. So, I think when they say your fat will catch up with you, they’re really thinking, “Your fatty lifestyle will catch up with you.” But you cleave that assumption right down the middle when you preempt their assumptions, and all they’re left with is the assumption that fat, regardless of lifestyle, is a malignant, yet dormant, substance, which is ridiculous. In fact, if anything, losing weight has been shown to release toxins that are stored in fat, so maintaining your weight keeps those toxins sealed away safely (or at least that’s my understanding).
Anyway, people have good intentions, but have no clue what the fuck they’re talking about. You did a great job of giving people a way of responding.
Peace,
Shannon
Oooh, I’ve got a snarky one-how about, “Isn’t my fat too fat to catch me?” Let them try to answer THAT!
Great post! “you get to choose how people treat you” - I wholeheartedly agree, and readily admit that I include a lot of swearing in my boundary-setting activities
PS - I’ve watched some of the videos on your blog and HOLY COW I love the way you move!
If I get to choose how people treat me, why aren’t they bowing down to me and flinging roses in my path everywhere I go? Is there some trick to this you’re not telling me?
Any suggestions what to tell my doctor, who actually probably HAS read some research? Problem being that according to “them” my fat has caught up to me. I HAVE all those “fat” diseases. I have diabetes, hypertension and my cholesterol just went up for the first time. My doctor is convinced that if I drink a concoction of spinach, water and fruit blended together for breakfast and lunch I will return to health. I think the stress of that stuff would kill me before any of the diseases but it’s hard fighting with a health professional!
Hi Sim,
If you can, pick up a copy of “Health at Every Size” by Dr. Linda Bacon for your doctor. I would then ask him about speaking with a nutritionist for diabetes and cholesterol (look for one that is HAES-friendly). Exercise (as best you can) works as well. Try to work with him and help him to see why weight loss isn’t beneficial. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at atchka at hotmail.
Peace,
Shannon