Fat Bodies, Self-Esteem, and Blatant Hypocrisy
About a year ago, Jezebel picked up my blog “Things I’ve heard about thin women.” The premise of the piece is that if we want our bodies to be respected, we should probably take a pass on bashing other people’s bodies.
I was really surprised by some of the comments. Several asserted that, while bashing thin people probably isn’t OK, it’s not something worth talking about because thin people are protected by the tremendous privilege that the receive in our society and it’s distracting from the battle that fat people face. Some of the commenters complained that talking about this takes attention away from the fat community and the horrible treatment to which we are subjected. Some even said that it’s OK to bash thin people because of the privilege they have in our society, saying, “They’ll get over it, I promise you.”
Here is the thing though: the fat community is extremely disenfranchised. Many of the people of size who I talk to have internalized the oppressive messages that they get from society (you’re lazy, unhealthy, a drain on society, unattractive , etc.) to the point that it has become an identity for them. That’s not a foundation upon which you can build a civil rights movement. It’s hard to demand respect when there are a chorus of your community members who are still convinced that they don’t deserve to be treated well.
So where can we start?
How about with our own actions? This isn’t the Oppression Olympics — there’s no medal for being the group who has it worst. I think that the most important thing we can do when we are looking for respect and equality is be examples of what that means in our day to day life.
Even if thin women’s privilege protected them from the pain of comments like “eat a sandwich,” “you’re anorexic,” “real women have curves” and other such BS (and I don’t think that it does protect them) it would still be an astoundingly bad idea.
Because even it doesn’t hurt them, it does hurts us. When we do to others what we don’t want done to us, and then attempt to justify it because it doesn’t happen to them very often, we become a bunch of things that aren’t good:
- Hypocrites
- Out of integrity
- Part of a system we claim we want to end
- Just as bad as everyone who has ever said anything to us about our size
This is not about someone else’s privilege.
This is about our integrity.
Are you or are you not someone who believes that everyone, and their body, deserves to be treated with respect? Are your actions consistent with who you say you are?
I know that fat people are hurting in our culture and we absolutely deserve to be treated better. But I’m here to tell you that the only way out is up — you can’t get out of a hole by digging, and you’ll never get respect for your body and choices by disparaging someone else’s. Perhaps it’s a cliché, but, as I’ve said before, I truly believe that you have to start by being the change that you want to see in the world.
While that may mean different things to different people I hope we can all get on the same page that it definitely includes not doing to others the exact thing we are asking people to stop doing to us.
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I think thinner women are protected in large part by their privilege. It does NOT undo the harm done by those comments, but recovery is substantially easier when you have a barrage of other messages that reinforce the desirability of thinness (although that judgment depends on what you personally consider a desirable message on thinness.)
It’s also culture-specific. Different degrees of thinness, and differences in the causes of thinness, are viewed differently by different cultures and families. So the impact of such comments and the recovery that needs to happen will differ.
Another way to examine the damage done when fat activists disparage thin bodies is that that behavior, in itself, is a derailment from discussing fat acceptance. It’s just another way to participate in the Oppression Olympics rather than just having the attitude that, “Body disparagement of any kind is not OK, but fatphobia is really in vogue now. Let’s focus on that.”
Ragen’s discussio of the integrity of fat activists is a good one.
I want to mention that thin-bashing behaviors, obviously, alienate thin allies and that this is bad for us as a movement.
This issue sorta reminds me of pretty “privilege.” I hit the cultural ideal of beauty on the nose, and I do not deny that my not merely accepted, but prized body offers me privilege. But being called “underweight” and having my eating competence fucked with by a prescriptive, “rules”-y nutritionist*? Constantly fending off accusations of anorexia? Being on the receiving end of unwanted sexual advances? Not a walk in the park. It’s appallingly invalidating to suggest that what thin people go through doesn’t matter because fatties (undeniably) have it worse.
As such, I think it’s more helpful to view “privilege” in terms of resource allocation and who is more often on the receiving end of violence, than as “these people are *always* benefited by this power structure.” Because with the latter approach, you’re (general “you”) telling privileged people that the ways they have been hurt don’t matter. It’s inverted ‘splaining.
*Ironically enough, I lost weight when she was telling me to make my every bite of food as calorific as possible. “OH FUCK, I ATE AN APPLE WITHOUT PEANUT BUTTER, I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON”
You hit the nail on the head. Practice what you preach. It’s the general rule that applies to everyone. If a fat person doesn’t want to be disrespected due to their size, then don’t disrespect thin people. I cannot believe the stupidity of people trying to justufy bashing thin people. I can write a 10 page essay on what is wrong with that idea, not to mention that it does not do one thing to contribute to gaining respect for fat people…it actually contributes to the opposite.
Thin priveledge didn’t stop me in my teenager years from stuffing my face of fast food trying to gain weight because everyone put the idea in my head that being skinny, or shall I say “too skinny” was an awful, horrible thing to be. It didn’t “protect” me from crying daily thinking that something was wrong with me, or feeling less feminine because I didn’t have the extra boob and hip fat that most teenage girls accumulate. It took me years and lots of soul searching to come up from that, and I was very, very lucky. No who hasn’t been in that situation of being considered “too skinny” is going to sit there and say that’s it’s not a big deal because “being disrespected for being fat is so much worse…for every single body.” Because that is plain tripe.
Like the song says, people are people so why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully.
I hate to admit that I’ve always envied the Thin Privilege and Pretty Privilege, but then again, I’ve always had trouble liking myself. What I’ve learned is that if you don’t like yourself it doesn’t matter your size or perceived beauty. You still won’t be happy.
Thank you for this!
I own a little frock shop that sells the widest size range we can get. We get a certain number of customers who tell us how incredible it is to find a shop that caters for their size, that they are so excited to be treated like real women (well of course - we don’t get many robotic women through the door, I must say), how depressed they feel about their bodies, how cruel other people are to them.
Not all those women are fat. The women on the thin of the size spectrum suffer from slings and arrows too, as far as my experience as a fashion retailer can tell. I always cringe when I hear people make cruel comments about womens’ bodies no matter what those bodies are like. Those comments take root in the minds of the victims, even if they are allegedly privileged enough to have some form of armour. What sort of privilege makes it okay to disparage a person’s body?
When you see a woman with a perfect supermodel physique cringe at the sight of herself in the mirror, you soon appreciate that there is no real immunity to the You’re Not Good Enough message that we all get exposed to, to a greater or lesser extent. Privilege certainly decreases the amount of rubbish that a person gets exposed to but our minds are our own and we can’t tell by looking at somebody how they are going to deal mentally with whatever rubbish gets through their own particular set of filters.
And can I just say when you see women of all shapes and sizes coming through your door every day it doesn’t take long before you start appreciating the beauty in every single one of them. (Sounds schmucky but I’m serious.)
Since I started to run the shop I’ve found that it is easier and easier to value other people’s bodies, and by extension I genuinely feel that I appreciate my own more. And less of the rubbish gets through to me. I know I’m not alone and other women - fat, thin and in between - have similar experiences. I honestly think if we extend respect and positivity to others, even people who have Thin Privilege and are not conscious of it, we give our own subconscious permission to extend the same respect to ourselves.