Hip Reading —

Full Disclosure: I received a review copy of the book I’m about to review.

Have you tried explaining Fat Acceptance to family or friends, only to be scoffed at or dismissed? Have you tried to share your own personal history of self-loathing and weight cycling, only to hear about “lifestyle changes” and try, try again?

If the person you opened up to ignored you, it’s probably because they know you too well. When someone knows you too well, they make all kinds of assumptions about who you are and why you believe what you believe. At this point, it may help to have a third party relate the exact same information in a totally new way.

If that’s what you need, I’ve got the book for you: “Read My Hips: How I Learned to Love My Body, Ditch Dieting, and Live Large” by Kim Brittingham.

I have a hard time reading memoirs especially if I can’t identify with the author. This becomes a bit of a problem with Fat Acceptance because so many memoirs deal with the constant stream of self-loathing and the diet mentality that infuses every aspect of female culture, yet leaves male culture unscathed.

But somehow Kim has written an account of her fat experience that breaks down that distance between her experience and mine, and I now feel like I understand what women go through a bit more.

Her humor, candor and irreverence carried me page-by-page through her riveting account of growing up “fat” and perpetually pursuing the perfect body, whether through repeated weight loss attempts or simply taking the edge off her curves in a photograph with a magic marker.

Kim lays out her hopes and intentions for the readers early:

What if you woke up tomorrow morning to discover that your body, the way it is now, is considered the ideal body? What would you do if you never had to worry about the size or appearance of your body again?

Maybe like me, you’ll laugh more. And I hope you’ll wear exactly what you want to wear, whether it’s polka-dot 1950s party dresses, pin-striped suits, or overalls with pink high top sneakers. I hope you’ll feel like the best character in the best movie you’ve ever seen.

Kim wants you to discover that perfect, pre-existing body; the body that needs no fine tuning or shaping or enhancement. She wants to you love the body you have now, today, and she walks you down her own path to self-acceptance as a sort of road map.

She begins with her childhood, then jumps about in time to significant moments in her journey, including an eye-opening stop at her work as a counselor for the Edie JeJeun weight loss system (the name was changed and I have no clue what company she could possibly be referring to *cough*jennycraig*cough*).

Kim details the pressures management put on counselors to push the prepackaged foods and tapes, regardless of the experience of their customers, regardless of the ethical dilemmas of counseling already-thin patients, regardless of the person’s ability to afford such overpriced, and under-flavored, diet num nums. And while she and her coworkers put a happy face on the ugly weight loss industry, the counselors themselves are struggling with their own bodies and their own eating disorders.

Talk about the blind leading the blind!

The only thing that I disliked about this section was Kim’s commentary on White Castles:

They were never my favorite burgers in the world. The meat patties appeared more gray than brown, and that bothered me. Besides, there was something creepy about the fact that each patty had been punched by a perfect series of tiny holes. Just a little too similar to bloated paper. But at the same time, I couldn’t get enough of them.

White Castle is a St. Louis institution, where you can find a packed drive through at 4 in the morning on any given Monday. Not cool, Ms. Brittingham, not cool.

After the first section lays the groundwork for understanding the mindset of the average female dieter, she goes on to explain exactly how she went from believing in total transformation (thanks to the summertime metamorphosis of her best friend in school, Glory Davis) to slowly, but surely, pursue health for health’s sake.

Her feelings about fruits and vegetables are so familiar that I felt that I might have written some of it myself.

After a while I began to suspect that this fruit-and-vegetable thing was just some nutritional mumbo-jumbo, that it wouldn’t actually help me lose weight any faster — thus, why bother?

Following a lifetime of eschewing fruits and vegetables in favor of sweeter and tastier processed foods, she begins to rethink the role of fresh foods, thanks to a friend who introduced her to the joys of the farmer’s market. Same goes for exercise: by removing its primary function as a weight loss tool, Kim learns to enjoy moving her body for the way it makes her feel, not for the promised ways it will make her look.

Finally, after spending the second section coming to terms with her body, Kim spends the final section gushing over her body and speaking of her curves with the adoration and admiration of a long-distance lover:

For an observer to be aroused by the sight of me should not be surprising, because my fat casts a floodlight on my pelvic area and is shamelessly suggestive not only of the babies to which I was design to give passage but also of the sexual stimulation of which I am capable. It is a pelvic that can writhe with abandon and thump like a bass drum in arousal… The sway of my generous hips is like a neon yellow highlighter wiped over the word woman… I am woman — lots of woman, abundant woman, ultimate woman.

Oddly enough, there was some minor controversy over this article about Fat Admirers, wherein a Fat Admirer compares a fat woman’s body to one big boob. Well, Kim goes on to draw almost the exact same conclusion:

This is what breast implants are meant to do, you know. Cast a magnifying glass over the inherent womanliness of breasts and attract. Women get boob jobs to give themselves a certain edge. Frankly, I don’t see why they nearly kill themselves trying to diet off their equally bulbous hips. Besides, my belly feels just like a nippleless breast. It’s like one giant porn boob implanted at my waist — a sexual bonus if you will.

A sexual bonus, indeed.

Reading about Kim’s real transformation — from self-loathing to self-accepting to self-adoring — inspired me to share her story with everyone I know who struggles with these same issues. It’s not that she has any magic formula to share, but the way she gently, lovingly guides the reader through her own trials and tribulations makes this kind of transformation seem entirely possible. But it takes time, she warns:

I didn’t wake up one morning, toss the covers from my fat body, and exclaim, “Wow! Look at this bod! I’m sooooo comfortable with every inch of it, I think I’ll go put on a bikini and parade up and down the nearest highway median. Look out, turnpike drivers! You’re about to take the exist to paradise!”

Toward the end of her story, you learn about the kind of bait and switch tactics that major corporations are endorsing in an attempt to co-opt Fat Acceptance. When she’s asked to create a video series for the NBC Universal/iVillage property, NeverSayDiet.com, Kim agrees, initially believing she will be part of a new, anti-weight loss website.

But when the director of the video series asks Kim to debase and humiliate herself at a chocolate store for “laughs,” she puts her foot down:

Hell, no. I wasn’t going to perpetuate that kind of negative stereotype about fat women. Not in my video series. I put my fat foot down and refused to comply.

Kim’s courage in the face of such dishonesty made me want to leap from my chair and do something, anything, to help put an end to this kind of appropriation. Knowing that she is out there taking a stand for the integrity of fat people everywhere was refreshing and awe-inspiring. If one person can stand up to NBC for what she believes is right, then anyone can do the same in their own lives with their own personal challenges.

This includes fat haters and trolls. Kim’s insight into the mind of these repulsive dickweeds is spot on:

When I encounter people like these, it’s clear that in the moment they have only one goal: to make another human being feel bad. Their aim is to create dark things and launch them out into the universe. Despair, rejection, desolation, pain. And in that moment, they’ve decided the misery should be carried through me.

To know that this underlies much of the hostility aimed toward fat people is such a relief. To know that their hatred has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their underlying insecurities and despair, makes accepting their hatred a bit less stinging.

But through all of this, we have a hand on Kim’s fat and sassy arm, guiding us through self-doubt and self-discovery, through the pain and humiliation of daring to be publicly fat, and finally leading us to the beach, where we can reclaim our spirit, our identity and our pride; all while soaking up the delicious sun and wading in the refreshing, recharging waters of self-adoration.

“Read My Hips” never takes itself too seriously (something I appreciate), but never takes its eye off the underlying issues that make living while fat a constant challenge. It’s a starter guide to understanding the need for Fat Acceptance, and for seeing all the good that we are capable of with the right inspiration.

Read it for yourself to energize yourself, then pass it on to a friend who doesn’t get it. Then try engaging them again. I bet you’ll find them a bit more receptive.