Big Fat Quitter
I was having a conversation with a very good friend of mine and the subject of diets came up. Specifically, the fact that they only have a 5% success rate. She said that losing weight is probably not the only way to be healthy, then she said “but there’s a very small percentage chance of a small business succeeding – just because something is hard doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.” She was being totally respectful, but it struck an old nerve with me.
One of the most difficult things for me when I decided to stop dieting and pursue Health at Every Size was the idea that I was being a quitter. I have never backed down from anything because it seemed like it might be difficult or because the odds were stacked against me. Whether it was in sports, school, love or business, I’ve spent my life doing things that other people told me were impossible.
So when I first found out that dieting had only a 5% chance of success based on the actual research, I decided that I would beat the odds. I continued to try but nothing was working. I didn’t want to be a quitter, I wanted to believe that I could beat the odds if I just tried hard enough.
I believed that the people who didn’t succeed at diets were just weak-willed, I believed that I could lose weight through the sheer force of my will and by just trying hard enough.
I believed that weight was a simple matter of calories in/calories out. I believed that if I could create a calorie deficit with a combination of calorie restriction and activity then I would lose weight, so I didn’t understand why I kept creating a deficit but didn’t lose weight. I’ve since learned that it just doesn’t work that way. The body is much more complex than a calories in/calories out model.
That lead to another realization – this wasn’t just about hard work or force of will. This wasn’t about practicing harder or running more sprints or studying more. This wasn’t just about my will, it was about my body. A body that I hated because it wouldn’t get smaller, instead of appreciating for doing everything I had ever asked of it and being in perfect health.
I started to do more and more research and everything I found turned up the same results – intentional weight loss failed most of the time, and there was no proof that it would lead to health even if it succeeded. However, weight-cycling (yo-yo dieting) was very hard on the system and studies were showing that it lead to long-term health problems. Dieting began to look more and more like playing Russian roulette with my good health.
When I found Health at Every Size I realized that what I had been doing didn’t make sense. To go back to the small business model – I have started a few businesses and helped hundreds of others through my consulting practice. I started one business that was going great until there was a regulation change that made our business model non-viable. So I closed the business. I didn’t feel like a quitter. Plenty of people tried to tell me that the business could be saved, but I did the research and made the best decision I could based on facts and logic.
For me, that’s exactly what Health at Every Size was. I was making an intelligent decision based on information and logic. I wasn’t quitting – I was opting out of a social construct supported by a $60 Billion a year industry that had an abysmal success rate.
What I’ve learned is that I’m fine gambling with when it comes to money and love, but not when it comes to my health. I think that feeding my body good, healthy food and doing movement that I enjoy is much more likely to make me healthy than trying to make my body smaller. As W.C. Fields said “If at first you don’t succeed try, try again. Then quit – there’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Now I’ve learned to appreciate my body and my perfect health. So when it comes to risking that on a 5% chance to making my body smaller, I’m out. Call me a quitter, I’m ok with that.
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Thank you! After reading that line about making the best decision based on research, logic and facts, of course looking at it that way now seems so damn obvious! I also had been stuck on the ‘giving up’ frame of mind. Now I feel a lot better! Thank you!
This! This needs to be shouted from the rooftops so that every fat person who has ever had a diet fail them realizes it’s not they that have failed, it’s the DIE-T that has failed, and that they aren’t a quitter when they say “No more, I’ve had enough, I’m going to take care of my body in a better way now and not worry about what size it is.”
Actually, I think those that are on diet…after diet…after diet are the ones quitting, whether they realize it or not. They have chosen to quit on life until they get smaller. They have chosen to quit improving themselves in the vain home that being smaller will magically solve everything. HAES is a step up for these people.
How are eating patterns “giving up on life”? I think you may be reading more emotional and social power into WOE than WOE inherently involves.
With all due respect…what does WOE mean and what are you talking about?!
All I meant to say was that dieting involves giving up a lot of things and that giving up on dieting can result in a lot of gains.
WOE = way(s) of eating.
“Diet” in this case means weight-loss diet. Many people postpone activites until they feel they are slender enough to enjoy them, or even deserve the pleasure they might get from them.
Have you not encountered people who think this way, Lisa? When someone talks about being “on a diet” as JoannaDW did above, they typically mean weight-loss diet.
What is the connotation of WOE? My “way of eating” is that I put a bite-size portion of food in my mouth, chew as necessary and then swallow. This doesn’t appear to be what you meant; your interpretation involves some pattern. It sounds like it might resemble weight-loss dieting, but then, why would it need another name? Please elaborate.
I do not see how being on a diet- or any other way of eating, such as being a vegetarian, or avoiding gluten, or whatever- necessarily means giving up on “a lot of things.”
The types of foods you eat, and the amounts of those foods you eat, do not cause you to “quit on life” nor does any particular pattern of eating reflect that you’ve “quit on life.”
It’s just food.
I think that saying that weight-loss dieting causes people to “quit on life” might reflect your own relationship to food, but it’s certainly not universal.
You say it’s “just food” … you have a different interpretation than many others. Clearly all you see food as, is a means to an end. Others ENJOY food, critique it, take pleasure in it. Some take too much pleasure in it (whatever that means). Please open your mind.
Sometimes quitting - for any reason - is the smartest decision. There is one very important element that you didn’t discuss: self-confidence. You are evidently a person with a lot of self-confidence. That was an important factor in your decision to adopt the HAES philosophy. Many overweight people don’t have the self-confidence to stop dieting and say, “This is me. I’m happy with myself.”
Over the years, I have learned to use Bad Words. Not so much the cuss ones, but words like these:
I QUIT dieting a long time ago.
Yes, I’m HUNGRY. Pass me some potatoes.
I have NO CONTROL over my weight. (People think this means that my weight is constantly increasing. In fact, barring the action of hormones and some weight-altering drugs, it generally adheres to one spot. That is not my doing; it just is.)
I’m FAT.
Also, if your friend says,
“Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.”
Answer thusly:
“Just because something is hard doesn’t make it worth doing.”
I just need to give a huge high-five thumbs up to this comment. Changing my language relating to my body and my behaviours was a powerful step for me, too, in reaching the attitude I now have.
Sometimes saying ‘I QUIT’ is the smartest thing you can do.
Awesome post! I think so many people see the only alternative to dieting as giving up because the other options aren’t talked about mainstream The opposite of dieting isn’t binge eating the whole world. It’s not spending a life hating yourself because your body size.
It’s looking after yourself in whatever way is currently appropriate for you and your current physical and mental health.
Regan, I always enjoy and respect what you have to say. I do in this article, as well. I agree diets don’t work! Failure rate is high. I believe HASE can and does work. However, I am trying to loose weight. NOT dieting, trying to drop some weight, by living/eating healthier; making better food choices. I’m working on a complete lifestyle change. Moving more, better floods, and less junk food. I believe you can loose weight, and I agree skinny doesn’t make you fit! In the end everyone has to make this decision for him/her self and walk that path, the best they can. My path is get some of the weight off my knees. And to everyone else out there Good Luck, with the path you choose. May we all be H.A.S.E.!
Ragen, you hit the nail on the head as usual. I still have days where I feel a little down on myself for not being in the shape I was in before college- and not doing what is necessary to achieve that shape again (namely, eating a starvation diet and working out around 3-4 hours a day).
I quit.
Powerful words.
Nell, by “quitting” you are being realistic about where you are in your life now. In fact, you’re smart if you don’t want to go on a starvation diet and work out 3-4 hours a day. I have heard women say that they want to lose weight down to a certain number, when the last time they weighed that number was when their bodies were still developing and they didn’t even have hips yet.
Lisa, you said: “I think that saying that weight-loss dieting causes people to ‘quit on life’ might reflect your own relationship to food, but it’s certainly not universal.” I’ll agree that it’s not universal, but it certainly isn’t unusual. Mulberry said “many people,” not “everybody” in her statement: “Many people postpone activities until they feel they are slender enough to enjoy them, or even deserve the pleasure they might get from them.” I have been witness to overweight persons who can afford nice clothes but don’t wear them because they’re “fat,” who can afford to take a vacation but don’t because they’re “fat,” who would like to take a leisurely stroll in a park but don’t because they’re “fat. ” They will do all these things AFTER they lose weight. If you ask me, that’s pretty close to quitting on life.
MrsS, I think I might have misphrased my comment a little. I meant I’m quitting the mentality of feeling like I NEED to feel down on myself for not being as fit as I used to be.
The thing is, I was a serious competitor in amateur sports as a teen. Fencing, track, martial arts, I did it all. While MA was the only thing that required a weigh-in before every competition, the other sports were equally as obsessive about our weight/nutrition as they were about our athletic prowess. It wasn’t unusual to run a full meet on two energy drinks because there would be an MA tournament starting the next day and I had to meet my weight goal.
Whenever I run today, I enjoy the freedom, the silence of my thoughts, and just feeling the wind in my hair. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing more, though. Getting back in “real” shape. Do wind sprints as a method to gain speed instead of just because I feel like sprinting. When going through forms in Tae Kwon Do (my martial art of choice), I feel my muscles resisting the pull, complaining about not being stretchy enough because I’m not training six days a week anymore, and sometimes feel like that shouldn’t be the case. In fencing, it’s just that plain desire to WIN (and the fact that I’m sometimes too slow because I’m winded), and my memory setting impossible standards.
It’s that mentality I’m trying to quit.
Thanks, MrsS, that’s just what I meant.
As a comment to Lisa, food is almost never “just food”. It is an important part of every culture, and there are all kinds of rules about who gets to eat what and how much and when, not to mention the etiquette involved and the approved methods of preparation. This goes well beyond the emphasis on thinness in Western culture.
I can tell you, Lisa, that when growing up as a fat person, food assumes an even greater significance. What you eat, and how much of it you eat are very carefully observed and usually commented on. Feelings of hunger are constantly at war with feelings of guilt. People bribe you - they say things like “Lose weight, and I’ll buy you a beautiful wardrobe.” People threaten you, “If you don’t lose weight, you’ll be bullied, passed over for job and social opportunities, and live a short, sad, unhealthy life.” If you hear this enough times while you’re in your formative years, and see corroborating evidence of it all around, you get to thinking that maybe fat people don’t deserve good things. Which leads to postponement of good things of any kind until one loses sufficient weight on the next diet.
Associations of this kind are very strong, and do lead people to quit on all but the most basic elements of living. If you have somehow escaped this mindset - and few women of any size do, these days - I take my hat off to you. But for most of us here, it’s never been and will never be “just food”.
Nell, I’m replying here because I have noticed that replies to replies on this post get narrower and narrower. Although I mistook your comment to be about weight, my original statement still stands: ” by ‘quitting’ you are being realistic about where you are in your life now.” You’re wise to want to quit the mentality you describe because, if you have an all-or-nothing attitude, you’ll end up stopping completely.
Since I was never a competitive athlete (ha ha), I don’t have your experience. However, I hope that you’ll be able to continue your activities and enjoy them.
The July 2011 issue of Prevention Magazine has an article titled “When Your Doctor Makes You Feel Fat.” It discusses some of the same problems discussed here regarding health and weight. Here’s the link: http://www.prevention.com/health/health/healthy-living/weight-and-obesity-discrimination-from-doctors/article/30a54c9d7bd10310VgnVCM10000030281eac____.