Accepting “Acceptance”?
Let me start out by saying that I’m not trying to harsh anyone else’s size acceptance vibe, this is just about how I feel. Plus, I’ll own up to being a bit of a word nerd, so I may be splitting hairs, but hear me out on this and then tell me what you think.
Every time I hear (or try to use) the term “Size Acceptance,” it gives me a moment of pause. In my mind, the idea of accepting something comes with at best a little, and at worst a lot, of compromise. For example: My favorite thing about being a CEO is not that I sometimes work 20 hour days. It turns out that I actually like to sleep (at least I have a vague recollection that I do). But I accept working 20 hour days because I love what I do and it’s worth it to me. My mom is really unhappy that I choose to live so far away, but she accepts it because she loves me.
To me Size Acceptance feels more like resignation… “Well, I’ll accept it, but I don’t have to like it.”
That just doesn’t make me feel all fat pride empowered and ready to face the world with high self-esteem and healthy body image. But maybe that’s just my own sense of the word.
Next stop, the dictionary (because, as previously mentioned, I’m a big nerd), where I found:
ac·cept·ance
Wow, that didn’t make me feel better about this at all. The idea that I would sit around and hope someone would choose to offer acceptance of my body is abhorrent to me, and the thought that I should hope to receive “approval” or “favor” from others to feel good about myself is antithetical to everything I believe about self-esteem.
Being a good former spelling bee nerd, I clicked the button that said “use ‘acceptance’ in a sentence” and got: “You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.”
Yikes, this is getting murkier all the time. Does that mean I just “accept” my body in the same way that I “accept” rejection — that doesn’t seem like the best call. I get the idea of rejecting acceptance I guess, but there again is the idea that acceptance is something that is offered to you by someone else at their discretion. I’m not putting my body up for evaluation and an acceptance decision — I’m not applying to college and hoping for the thick letter. My body is. Others can think whatever they want about my body but I’m certainly not going to base my self-esteem or the way I feel about my body on what someone else thinks.
At the end of the day, I feel that asking for size acceptance is giving other people power that shouldn’t belong to them.
As for me, I choose to do more than just accept my body. I choose to love and celebrate it.
When it comes to others I’m not asking for acceptance. I’m expecting and, if necessary, demanding, respect.
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What term do you suggest as an alternative?
An interesting line of thought there at the end, that’s for sure. I think acceptance is only the first step (and one of the hardest) both of ourselves who are working on it and for our friends/families/coworkers, etc around us. It’s just the first thing to ask-Accept me. See me as human. See me as worthy of respect and love. SEE ME period, in some cases. Once we’ve all passed that hurdle, we move on to loving and respecting ourselves, and when we do that, I think it’s easier for people around us to do it too.
Well, the thesaurus isn’t any help with alternatives either:
Main Entry: acceptance
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: agreement, taking
Synonyms: accepting, acknowledgment, acquiring, admission, approval, assent, compliance, consent, cooperation, gaining, getting, go-ahead, green light, nod, obtaining, okay, permission, receipt, receiving, reception, recognition, securing, taking on, undertaking, yes
Antonyms: disagreement, dissent, refusal
The world certainly acknowledges we exist, even as they do their damnedest to eradicate us. I certainly don’t need the world’s approval to exist and live my life fat at it, nor do I need its assent, compliance, consent, go-ahead, green light, nod, okay, or permission to live my life fat at it. While it would be nice to get some cooperation, I don’t see that happening in a big way any time soon (pun fully intended). Recognition of the fact that I’m a human being worthy of respect and dignity just like everyone else who is considered a “normal” size would be nice, but again, not something that I’m going to hold my breath waiting for it to happen.
So ya know what? I’m not accepting anything. It’s the world that is going to have to accept the fact that I exist and I’m not going anywhere and it’s just going to have to deal with that fact and move on. Don’t like it? Too bad, I’m done hiding because your eyes are too sensitive to deal with my fat ass moving through OUR world.
I think of acceptance is the right word. I think tolerance is another that seems to set the bar low, but is truly appropriate for what we are attempting to achieve.
We’re not asking the world to love us or embrace us or find us sexy. We just want them to accept that we’re human, like Jen said, and that we have a right to be here.
And self-acceptance is the first step in any Fat Acceptance journey. The self-adoration that you express is further down the road. But the leap from self-loathing to self-acceptance is a much bigger chasm to cross than the one from self-acceptance to self-adoration. I think emphasis on acceptance is appropriate for the goals of the movement and reflect the message we are promoting.
Peace,
Shannon
You summed up very nicely what I was trying to put into words myself.
The FA movement has made me think the same thing I have thought about the feminist movement, the civil rights movement, etc.: If people had treated (insert group here) with respect and equality to begin with, then (whatever group) wouldn’t have had to create a movement to fight for it.
If we had not been made to feel negative about ourselves we would not have to fight to feel positive about ourselves.
Struggling to find the language to define ourselves and our goals is just another part of the journey.
Thanks, LittleBigGirl and welcome to Fierce Fatties!
Peace,
Shannon
Hmm…I’d rather have ‘acceptance’ than ‘tolerance’. Tolerance, for me, has overtones of ‘putting up with’ - it feels kind of grudging. Maybe that’s just how I see it but, ‘acceptance’ feels friendlier, if that makes sense.
Your last sentence: “When it comes to others I’m not asking for acceptance. I’m expecting and, if necessary, demanding, respect.”
Perhaps “size respect” is the term you’re looking for. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with “size acceptance” and I believe that people who use it don’t mean any disrespect. Perhaps acceptance ultimately leads to respect?
Some of the original Fat Underground liked fat liberation or fat rights & I personally consider this to be a human rights issue, like civil rights, like disability rights. “Acceptance” to me has always smacked of getting on our knees & begging, “please, please do not kill me, or deny me a job, place to live, basic human rights.” We should not have to beg for a damn thing. We deserve full rights, access, dignity, whoever we are, whatever size or shape, however we eat, exercise, live, because we are human beings…period. (Of course, I HAVE been at this for 31 years & I am around the age of most of our founding mothers, so ‘asking’ to be ‘accepted’ got old about 20 years ago.)
Thanks for that perspective, Patsy!
I love this, I really really looove this!
Basically, I think “acceptance” is more personal - we need to accept ourselves (especially if we’ve allowed negative programming/our experience with others damage our self-acceptance), but when it comes to other people “acceptance” is not what we should be asking for but *respect*. We don’t *have* to accept anything, but isn’t it more healthy to like ourselves and try to at least respect others?
I prefer to use the term body diversity, but have used size acceptance in the past. It’s all about perception I guess but I don’t feel like I am begging for acceptance, rather than demanding it.
I like the term “body esteem.” Doesn’t designate what size it is or isn’t. Just that it’s worthy of esteem, most especially and importantly my own.
I like that term. To me I always think that “size acceptance” should mean love and respect for all sizes, but I have seen a lot of examples defining the term in defense of only fat people.
I see your point with the word acceptance in the phrase. We all should be loving our bodies, not just putting up with (or accepting) them. I have always liked the term “body positivity” as well because that terms insinuates that no body type (your own or others’) deserves to be put down, ever.