The Feeling of “Blah”
No, I actually am not referring to my mood these days. 
I love fall. I love the landscape, the weather, and that eerie feeling in the air. I love the night sky, and the fact that I can view it for longer. I have a love-hate relationship with the fact that it is still pitch-black when I wake in the morning. I love waking up in the morning to darkness. It is quiet and mysterious, and I can take in that moment of quiet mystery, then roll back over, ponder it, and fall back asleep on the weekends. I might set my alarm specifically so I can do that.
There are days when I feel wrong for doing that.
Of course there is nothing wrong with doing that as long as I have nothing to do that day. Even if I did have something to do, some things can wait. I might decide sometimes that this moment in the morning is worth putting some things off. I feel that we, as a culture, overemphasize achievement and productivity in our personal lives. It’s not some horrible crime to just want to retire for a bit.
If I retire for too long, too early, or at the wrong time of day (like mid-day), I feel the “blah.”
The “blah” is that feeling you get that you weigh a thousand pounds. Not literally in the fat-hating, I-look-ugly sense, but in the sense that you are carrying a lot around. It’s worse after you have eaten a lot or if you have not done vigorous exercise that day. Some of it could be physiological — too much to eat, anxious to move, tired, etc. — but it might also be psychological.
I think sometimes we are culturally conditioned to feel the “blah.” We know that we are not pure unless we have restricted ourselves or done our exercise, so when we notice all of the sudden that we have slipped, we feel the “blah.” When you are sad or guilty, your heart sinks. When you are feeling the “blah,” the weight of the world sinks down near your middle. If you eat sweets or other “junk” food, no matter how minor an amount, it is as if you have eaten the world. That part, I think, is culturally conditioned in a lot of people. We “know” that junk food is supposed to do this, so we feel it on cue. The nocebo effect.
So, I have to combat the “blah” a lot in the winter. I should get up earlier or else I am a lazy slug. I should go outside, even if I am cold or sick, because it will wake me up and make me feel less “fat.”
What about you? Do you know what I am talking about? Is it innate or culturally conditioned for you? How do you react to that feeling?
I feel that way a lot. I really feel that way today because I have food poisoning but have no choice but to go about my regular routine! If I’m not knock down drag out puking sick, my son needs me to take him to the community college and I need to go to work because we have such a skeleton crew. Fatigue, fever, and nausea be damned.
I have fibromyalgia so a lot of the time I feel drained for no discernible reason. I also work graveyard shift and feel that I “should” want to exercise every day but often I don’t feel like it. I’m having to rehome my dogs because it’s too difficult for me to deal with their needs-which of course makes me a bad person.
Fall is actually my favorite season. For some reason I tend to get extremely depressed in the spring. Leave it to me to be paradoxical!
I plan to be hitting the gym this winter, volunteering, doing events and appearances now that I am Miss Indiana International, promoting my platform for domestic violence, and maybe do a few fun outdoor activities like sledding or ice skating. I always feel blah when I am cooped up indoors all day. Work, home, work, home…I can’t stand it.
You are not unusual. The lack of sun in the summer causes depression in a lot of people. I remember when I was working, A wave of “sadness (?)” would come over me when I left the building and it was dark outside.
You’re not a slug if you don’t go out when you’re sick. Please erase that thought from your mind.
This is my favorite time of year because it is cooler, but understand the SAD effects when the sky is so darkened for so long and less light. Maybe try a sun lamp? I agree with you about the over-emphasis on achievement and productivity. My opinion is they want a world of slavish worker bee drones. I am old enough to remember when there was more to life like fun, enjoyment and rest. I try and have fun, though my blog deals with serious issues. I know many of the people with their noses to the grindstones condemn me a lot. If you are disabled, you can end up in non-person status, as the busy brigade spends time bragging to each other about how fast they ran the hamster wheel that day. What will it all matter in a 100 years? Sleep and rest when you want. That was the natural outcome for human kind, we didn’t work til we dropped pre industrial revolution days. Think about that one. I believe I am still alive, because I rest when I feel like it, especially at this weight. I think American culture has become soul-less and overworked, and wish I could escape back to my old town where they weren’t so career driven and that I was healthy enough to drop out or move to a country where the priorities are more sane. I knew someone who told me they bawled for months moving here from Portugal because everyone was so unfriendly and only cared about work.
Yeah, I’m with Peep, get yourself a sunlamp to fight SAD. It’s a well-documented side effect of dark and gloomy days, so if you can do something about it, you should. But snuggling in bed is nice too.
Peace,
Shannon