You are Getting Sleepy… or is that Hungry?

Both of my parents have recently given up smoking. My dad’s been off them a little over a week, and my mom nearly a week. But, they’re stopping in completely different way: my mom’s gone cold turkey (I’ve never understood why it’s called that), whereas my dad’s been hypnotized.

Well, the hypnotism is working. I didn’t doubt it would. I believe in the power of hypnotism and have done some research myself because of all the kooky ideas people have about it. My dad’s pretty chuffed. He deserves to be. And he’s been raving about this hypnotherapist to me a lot recently. Well, the other day he stopped, looked at me, and said, “You know, she can hypnotize you for weight loss…”

[Cue eyebrow arch.]

Now, I have no interest in forcing my body to become smaller (or larger or shorter or taller, for that matter), but the whole hypnosis weight loss thing interests me because, well, what the fudge kind of things do they suggest to make you lose weight?! Of course, my first thought was that the hypnotist would suggest that you need less food and the therapy would be all about eating less. I was curious. So I Googled it.

I clicked the first link, which led me to a man shilling his hypnosis sessions to people interested in losing weight (I won’t link here because I don’t really feel like showing off his product for him). There was a “sample” of a session and I listened to it and, sho’ nuff, it was all about food intake.

The instinctive side of our appetite signals when to eat and when to stop. You now eat when hungry and stop when full.

“Now”? Because no fatty eats only when they’re hungry and they certainly don’t stop when they’re full, amirite, guize? Har!

This gives you great pride and self-respect.

Fat people don’t have that either? We only have those feelings in connection with food? Why should someone feel pride for eating/not eating? If you ask me, it kind of brings a person back to the good fatty/bad fatty thing: “I’m a good fatty because I stopped eating when I was full. I respect myself. I deserve to feel pride.”

All changes are happening now. Your confidence, self-respect, pride, self-worth, and love are now growing more and more…

Geez. It’s like fatties can’t have pride without this guy.

You know that just like the vehicle you drive… there are some requirements for the peak performance and for the life of that machine, and the vehicle which you live in, your body. This physical machine, the most complex machine you know of.

Sure. A body can easily be related to a machine. But the thing is, a body is not exactly a machine. And it’s certainly more complex than any machine; he’s right about that. So, here’s my question: if the body’s complex and people are all different, and we don’t work exactly like machines, then what makes him think that we’re all fat because we eat too much?

What about those fatties who are fat, but not because of the food they do or do not eat? I doubt this would work for them. Not to mention the fact that not everyone is hypnotized so easily. You can’t force anyone to do anything through hypnotism, and successful hypnotism often takes some kind of relationship between hypnotist and patient.

It’s funny that a profession so misunderstood and shrouded in stereotype would resort to stereotypes about the very people it’s trying to “help.”

So, I thanked my dad and turned down his offer to pay for me to be hypnotized thin. I don’t think it’d work on me anyway — I’m too cynical about weight loss gimmicks.

Pills, diets, workouts, hormones; it’s not even surprising to find these kinds of things anymore.

Also, when you finish reading this post, you will think you’re a chicken…